Lord Of The Rings Hits Vegas
by siriuslysirus123
Summary: That is right. Lord OF The Rings chracters go To Las Vegas for a darn tooting of a time. Chapter 19 is now up. Read and review.
1. Leaving

**Lord Of The Rings Hit Vegas**

Chapter 1 

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Lord Of The Rings!

Why do I have to say this! I only came for the free food. Damn there isn't. Got to go! I'm tired of repeating this.

**Narrator**: We were with the fellowship at the house of Elrond let's take a look shall we?

Elrond is their standing on top of a rock making an announcement to all of the people. ''Attention all!'' Elrond yelled in a booming voice.

Pippin began to laugh hysterically for who knows what.

''What's so funny?' Elrond demanded very angrily of course. '

'Your car has bird poop all over it; you can't even see the windshield. '' Pippin said still laughing.

Merry looked over and noticed naked girls just randomly sitting on top of Elrond's car. '' Whoa look at those girls naked on top of the cars. '' Merry exclaimed. Of course Merry and Pippin started gawking at the girls.

''Don't forget about the food man.'' Pippin retorted. The guys were all making stupid comments I mean come on Lamer than lame.

''Holy Shit!'' Arwen said in despair. '

' You know we didn't need to see that I mean really. Girls are in the room.'' Eowyn laughed.

Galadriel didn't approve of everyone's stupidity so she decided she wanted to go. ''This sucks come on Celeborn.''

''But honey I was to observe the nature be outside. '' Celeborn whined. ''What are you talking about Celeborn. I saw you one time in the shower with Haldir. '' Gandalf retorted.

Galadriel was in dismay. ''You did?'' She said with confusion.

Poor Haldir's face he was turning red as a tomato. ''Dam you Gandalf our secret is out.''

''Celeborn was this your idea?'' Galadriel pondered. '

'No it was Haldir's idea.'' Celeborn shouted. '

'I resent that!'' Haldir shouted back.

''Yeah it was, and don't lie.'' Celeborn lashed out Haldir.

After that, Celeborn, Gandalf, and Haldir get into an argument.

While that is going on the naked girls run off the woods.


	2. Getting Into The Cars

Chapter 2

**Narrator**: Everybody Is packing up the cars! Let's take a closer look! Everyone is packing his or her backs to get ready to go. Now they're back outside to get ready.

''Ok everyone is packed. Now we have 3 cars, let's get in. '' Elrond told everyone.

''Come on honey let's go.'' Celeborn told Galadriel.

''Oh no your going alone. After what happened with Haldir no way buster.' Galadriel said with anger.

''Oh fine have it your own way.'' Celeborn mused. Celeborn walked off without any more responses.

Sam walked over to Frodo. '

Oh great.'' Thought Frodo. ''Oh Sam I don't think there is anymore room for you.'' Frodo saw the inside of the car. Not a lot of seats. ''I'm sorry though.

'' Sam motioned Celeborn over. ''Oh man I love you man we would have had fun.'' Sam and Celeborn walked away to a car.

'' I thought Sam would have a fit. I guessed he found someone knew.'' Just as Frodo said that he strayed into a dream. He and Sam were having a picnic as usual. Well I wouldn't say usual. Frodo and Sam were sitting on the ground eating sandwiches.

'Hey mate can you pass the mustard?'' Sam asked. Frodo passed the mustard to Sam.

He wanted to continue but Merry came up to Frodo and tapped him on the shoulder.

''Frodo! Snap out of it! Frodo! '' Merry shouted into Frodo's ear.

Frodo shook himself to get out of the dream. ''Where's Sam?'' ''I saw him with Celeborn.'' Merry stated.

''Oh.'' Frodo said sadly. Frodo and Merry walked to the car.

**Narrator**: Well everyone is in their cars and get ready to leave!

**Author's Note**: Well that's the end! I know they're short but they'll get better, I promise you!

Send reviews too. This is the first fanfic I wrote, so be nice!

**Disclaimer:** Food would be nice! I'm starving!

**Author:** Oh will you stop? Go to Burger King for crying out loud!

**Disclaimer:** Bye! Oh yeah I don't own Lord Of The Rings!

**Author:** Just go! Don't mind Disclaimer she is a nut and a……… oh you get the point.


	3. The Stalkers Unite and Gimli's departure

**Narrator:** Well they're almost ready to go but there is something they don't know!

Chapter 3 

In the woods there are stupid kids hiding. Heather peeked through the bushes.'' Hey guys come here take a look. '' Heather called.

"What?' Kelsey asked.

"It's all of the Lord Of The Rings characters! We are so close to them.''

"This is perfect now!'' Lonny exclaimed!

''What do you mean by that?'' Rachel asked. " I happen to have a nude picture of Frodo.'' Lonny exclaimed.

'' Eww Lonny your sick man.'' They said in unison.

"Lonny, you're a fool.'' Kelsey said with a smirk on her face. '' So who

Wants to meet Lord Of The Rings Characters? ''Me!'' Everyone said in unison again. The stalkers jump into Elrond's SUV. Wormtounge is their chilling.

''What are you doing here?'' Wormtounge demanded.

''Hey were here the same as you are. We are stalking Legolas, Frodo, and Aragorn. '' Rachel smiled.

" Well I'm getting Eowyn,'' Said Wormtounge as his voice changed. '

"Hey you can join us,'' Heather danced about. ''Yeah.''

So the car drives off.

**Narrator: **Later on, Lonny is giving Wormtounge a makeover.

"Can someone pass the hair gel? Lonny asked.

Heather passed the gel over to Lonny.

Lonny sprayed the hair over Wormtounge head. "Done!'' Lonny exclaimed.

Wormtounge took the mirror to look at him. His hair was green and Blue, he had a disco suit on with eye shadow, an Afro, dancing shoes, and bright red lipstick. "Yeah I look groovy baby!'' He looked into the mirror.

''you look good,'' ''Eowyn will dig you'' Ann commented.

''You bet thanks,'' Wormtongue said.

.'' ''Sure than bro.'' Lonny said then gave him a high five.

**Narrator: **Well Later on, in car 3.

''So what do you want to do?'' Aragorn asked.

Pippin saw the refrigerator. Uh oh! ''Food!'' He cried happily.

'' Great work Pip.'' Merry said then he smiled. ''Carrots!'' Merry shouted. Merry and Pippin rummaged through the fridge eating the food.

Gandalf came up to them and pulled them away from the fridge.'' Fool of a Took and Fool of a Brandybuck.''

''Save some food for us.'' Aragorn piped up. Aragorn turned around and saw Frodo looking out the window. He walked up to Frodo.'' What is it Frodo?'' Aragorn pondered.

Frodo kept staring at the window. 'I don't know.'' Frodo sighed.

''But you haven't said a word.'' Aragorn said.

''I can't believe were going to Vegas. Just like Bilbo on his adventure. '' Frodo sighed.

''Yeah!'' Aragorn stated. ''Let's go join the gang.'' ''Nah I'll stay here.'' ''Ok whatever.'' Aragorn walks away to join the gang.

**Narrator: **Later everyone decided to sing some songs.

Everyone minus Gandalf and Gimli are singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall. ''99 bottles of bear on the wall 99 bottles of bear. You take on down pass it around 98 bottles of beer on the wall.'' They sang.

''Stop singing, stop with the madness!'' Gandalf shouted.

''Keep up or I'll jump out of the window!'' Gimli hollered.

Pippin opened the window.''There you go Gimli your prepared.

Everyone else still sang. ''That's it I'm leaving!'' Gimli said very pissed off. Gimli takes his bags and ax and jumps out the window.

**Narrator:** Well I'm sure that he will survive. Let's go to the elves. I'm sure they are doing interesting things.

Elrond and Galadriel are playing Go Fish. The others are sitting.

''Galadriel do you have any sevens?'' Elrond asked Galadriel.

''Nope go fish.'' Galadriel replied.

**Narrator:** Oh man this stinks! Boring! Let's take a break!


	4. Gimli's arrival inside the loser car

Chapter 4 

**Narrator:** Let's go see car 2.

Sam looked out the window of the car. It was weird because he thought he saw Gimli. He was right, he saw Gimli. ''Gimli!'' Sam called out.

Gimli looked up and saw Sam. ''Hey!'' He shouted to Sam. ''oh man everyone was driving me mad.'' Gimli explained. ''Well then come with us precious! '' Gollum replied. Gimli looked at Gollum and jumped in. They drive off and out of sight.

**Narrator:** Later on, in car 1.

Elrond and Galadriel are still playing Go Fish.

''Galadriel do you have any jacks?'' Elrond wanted to know.

''No way! Go Fish.'' 'Oh man.'' Elrond said in dismay. Elrond drew another card from the Go Fish Pile.

**Narrator:** Oh this boring. Another break !

**Author: **I know it was short well I couldn't think of anything so don't be harsh about it.


	5. The arrival

  
Chapter 5 

Finally, the car arrives in Vegas. Everyone gets out. "Were in Vegas!'' Gandalf shouted!

"Hey you jerk you stole my line,'' Legolas pouted.

"Oh whatever.'' Gandalf said. Gandalf noticed a polka club nearby.

"Adios amigos,'' Gandalf ran off to the polka club.

" Arwen, Galadriel and I are off to the mall,'' Eowyn shouted!

" Hey Leggy want to go to the video game store? '' Aragorn asked Legolas. ''Yeah! They have Vice City there.''

Aragorn and Legolas ran off with Haldir following them.

Frodo turned to Merry and Pippin and asked:'' Do you want food? ''

"Yeah!'' Merry and Pippin exclaimed!

"Hey let's go buy fireworks!'' Elrond said. ''Can we blow them up?'' Elrohir wanted to know. ''No!'' Elrond defiantly had to object. '' Dad you are no fun anymore.'' just as Elldan said that.

A camel spotter came by. "Hey who stole my catch phrase?'' He demanded. "Umm he went that way,'' Elldan pointed.

The camel spotter was gone.

"Don't rub in son I'm getting old.'' Elrond complained then rubbed his skin.''

"Ok everyone let's meet back here in 3 hours!''

Aragorn called from a distance.

"Deal!'' Everyone called back!

**Narrator: **Let's see what's going with the stalk group.

''Ok we have to capture them.'' Heather stated. '

"But…. Rachel then noticed Frodo walking by. ''Oh I see.''

''So everyone know the plan?'' Kelsey pondered?

''Yes.'' Ann stated.

"I'm getting Frodo bye.'' Lonny ran off. Rachel ran to follow Lonny.

**Narrator:** Mwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa they will get them. Oh sorry!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lord Of The Rings! That belongs to Tolkien.

**Author:** Now you say something useful.

**Disclaimer: **Ok get out throws the Fellowship Of The Ring book at author

**Author: **Hey! Leaves


	6. The losers arrival and fangirls

**Narrator:** Lets see how car number 2 is doing! Chapter 6 

The losers are stranded in Canada. They don't know where they are.

"Where are we? ''Celeborn said in a confusing way. Poor Celeborn he probably never been to Canada before Oy! Celeborn looked around and admired the gardens and flowers.

On the other hand Sam noticed a sign. ''Welcome to Ontario Canada.'' Sam read. Sam of course seemed to be the brains compared to everyone else.

" We shall take over and make Canada become our evil empire!'' Saruman remarked with an evil tone. ''Ha Ha HA! '' He laughed again.

"We will rule precious!'' Gollum laughed.

Sam slapped them both on the head. " You can't take over Canada. ''

"Oh you are no fun anymore.'' Gollum retorted.

A random guy barges in for no reason. "Hey who stole my catch phrase?'' He demanded.

" Who are you?'' Sam demanded back.

"I'm a camel spotter,''

'' Well I don't see any camel spotters,'' Sam looked around. ''Try a zoo.''

'' Well who stole my catch phrase?'' The camel spotter asked.

'' Um he went that way!' Denathor pointed.

Meanwhile, Celeborn is frolicking through the flowers in a garden nearby. Now that is scary.

" Celeborn get away from there!'' Denathor demanded. '' I think you need help.''

" Oh it's fun!'' Celeborn replied. " No it isn't.'' Denathor and Celeborn argued and argued.

**Narrator: **Oh man! Celeborn frolicking through the flowers. He needs help. Let's see how are the hobbits are doing.

The hobbits walk around on the streets. ''This place rocks!'' Merry sighed. Merry turned around and saw a group of fan girls coming.

A fan girl saw the hobbits. '' Oh lord it's the cutest hobbits ever! The fan girl screeched. ''Let's get them!''

" Oh great!'' Frodo said sarcastically.

" No time to talk to run for your lives!'' Pippin shouted!

" Well let's spilt up so we don't get caught at the same time," Merry snapped.

"Deal! '' Frodo and Pippin said in Unison. The decide to split up and go different directions.

**Narrator: **Well Frodo will survive let's go to him. Reads a book

Poor Frodo he's getting mobbed by the crazy fan girls. ''Stay back you evil people!'' Frodo remarked. Frodo's legs just started running so he ran.

''Get him!'' The Lead fan girl hollered! ''

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!'' Frodo shouted! He kept running until he saw a barrel. He decided to jump in the barrel. ''Phew I'm safe in here!'' He said to himself. Frodo remained in the barrel for a while.

**Narrator:** Well Frodo will be safe, but what about Pippin?

Poor Pippin he doesn't know what to do. ''Look I have mushrooms just leaves me alone!''

'' No silly we want you.' The fan girl laughed hysterically.

'' Oh gee I'm loved!'' Pippin said sarcastically.

''Charge!'' The lead fan girl shouted

. Pippin didn't know what to do. So he took out a pair of breeches out of his pocket and threw them on the edge of the street

'' Oh his pants!'' The fang girls grab them.

Pippin started running. Two blocks later he noticed a barrel and jumped in it. A surprise he saw Frodo in the same barrel. '' Pippin!'' ''Frodo!''

''How did you escape? '' Pippin asked Frodo. '' I just ran and jumped in.'' ''what about you?''

'' I just gave them my extra pair of breeches.'' Frodo realized he had extra breeches in his pocket and dug in and pulled them out. '' Oh man!''

'' I knew they would come into handy.'' Pippin remarked. Frodo made a face at Pippin. ''Lucky you.'' '' Do you think that Merry will survive?'' Frodo asked. Pippin put a hand on Frodo's shoulder. He looked into Frodo's eyes. ''Don't worry since knowing Merry for years he will find a way. ''

''I hope so.'' Frodo sighed. ''Let's just wait for him to come. We don't' want to get ambushed either. Frodo and Pippin waited and waited. They were hoping that Merry is alive. Who knows he could have been captured and tortured. Ok let's get on with the story.

**Narrator:** Oh come on! Merry shouldn't be tortured . No don't be negative!

Oh sorry ! So anyway let's go see how Merry is doing.

Merry is by the sidewalk 2 blocks . Merry thinks of all the possible choices to distract them. So he finally comes up with an idea. He takes out a pizza box and throws it on the sidewalk.

''Oh pizza!'' The fan girl reacted.

Merry decided to run the other direction. He kept running and saw a barrel.

''Sweet!'' He jumped in and saw Pippin and Frodo.

''Merry! '' Frodo and Pippin said in unison.

'' We waited and waited!'' Pippin said. '' Yeah we thought that you could have been captured.'' Frodo replied. ''So we waited a few minutes.''

''How did you escape?'' Pippin asked Merry. ''I used a pizza box.!''

Merry exclaimed.

''Man I'm hungry! You could of saved that!'' Frodo rubbed his stomach.

''I'm too!'' Pippin rubbed his stomach.

'' What the hell are you talking about? You stuffed your faces all the way here!''

''Well I'm still hungry.'' Pippin snapped back.

''What ever!'' Frodo shouted. ''Do you think it's time to come out?''

Merry took out a knife and carved a hole in the barrel. He peeked outside. No fan girls in sight. ''Yep let's get out of here '' they climbed out the hole and left.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Lotr or Tolkien! I own Orlando though!

**Narrator:** Will you shut up?

**Author:** Don't worry I love Orlando too.

**Disclaimer:** You're a pompous old fart Narrator.

**Narrator:** There is free food go get it.

**Disclaimer:** Ok but I will kill you Narrator.

**Narrator:** mockingly O I'm so scared. I have torches in my office.

**Disclaimer**:leaves

**Disclaimer**:

**Narrator:** Will you just shut up?

**A/N:** To make a note Disclaimer is in love with Orlando Bloom as much as I am and a lot of people.

**Disclaimer**: barges in Hey Orly is mine!

**Author:** No he belongs to himself even if we don't like it!

**Narrator:** Can we get back to the story now?

**Disclaimer:** Narrator you're a pompous old fart!

**Narrator:** I heard there is free food in the lounge get some!

**Disclaimer:** ok! But I'm going to kill you later narrator!

**Narrator**: Don't worry I got torches in my office! 

**Disclaimer**: What ever! I'm out of here! Leaves


	7. Haldir's love letter and a Girls day ou...

Chapter 7 

**Narrator: **I'm going to the video store. Well since I'm going there let's see what Haldir, Aragorn, and Legolas are up to.

Haldir is checking out all the games. '' Wow this is awesome.'' He commented. ''

Oh yeah!'' Aragorn commented back.

Legolas was looking around as well. He walked past a game section and saw a note. Legolas had an urge to pick it up and read it. But should he? ''Hey guys come over here.'' Legolas called to Haldir and Aragorn. Aragorn and Haldir walked over to Legolas.

''What up Leggy? '' Aragorn asked. ''

There is a note.'' Legolas replied.

''Hey Aragorn want to do the honors?'' Haldir asked Aragorn.

'' Why doesn't Legolas do it?'' Aragorn demanded. ''Why me?'' Legolas demanded.

''You found it.'' Aragorn said dryly.

'Fine.'' Legolas grumbled.

Legolas opened the note to read it. '

'What does it say?'' Haldir asked?

''It says………… I can't read it it's so sad. '' Legolas started crying.

Aragorn snatched the letter from Legolas's hand. ''Shessh I'll read it.''

He opened the letter and this is what it stated:

Dear Haldir,

I figured that you're here. Since I remembered your love for ''games. ''

Anyway I realized how much I missed you. Remember when we went to sit by the river and we sat there all night? Well what I'm trying to say is I wish we would be back together again like a long time ago. Tonight meet me in the Las Vegas Club. ''Surprises ''will await you!

Love,

Lalathith.

Ps: Is your friend Legolas still around?

'' Holy Crap!'' Legolas shrieked. ''

What?'' Aragorn asked.

''She hit on me back then.'' ''Don't make moves on her man or I'll shave your head off.'' Haldir retorted. '

''You wouldn't dare.'' Legolas hissed. ''

'Oh come on! '' Aragorn said. They leave.

**Narrator: **Let's get to them later! Let's see how the girls are doing.

The girls are looking at the stores. Seemed like good selections. ''So many stores to choose from.'' Arwen sighed.

Eowyn noticed a beach nearby. ''Let's go to the beach.''

'Yeah Arwen and Galadriel said together. ''

'Wait we don't' have any swimsuits.'' Arwen said sadly. ''

That's where you are wrong!'' Galadriel smiled. Eowyn looked at Galadriel blankly.

''I brought swimsuits for each of us.'' Galadriel handed Eowyn and Arwen bathing suits ''these are great where did you get them?'' Eowyn asked.

''My mom gave them to me.'' Galadriel replied.

''What about yours?'' Arwen wondered. ''Ok.''Galadriel took it out of her pack. ''Here it is.''

She has a bikini with blue polka dots on it and it's blue. ''Galadriel!'' Eowyn said. ''What?'' Galadriel wondered. ''For the Lady Of Lorien.'' Eowyn shrieked.

''Oh whatever! '' I want to show my natural beauty underneath. ''

''O the guys will dig you.'' Eowyn hooted.

''Oh yeah!'' Galadriel hooted back.

Arwen 's sad face crept back onto her skin.

Eowyn looked at Arwen with curiosity. '' Something isn't right. Without the gang relaxing this is something for everyone to enjoy. '' Arwen said sadly.

''Oh come on! We can get away from everyone. Just a girl's day out. '' Galadriel encouraged Arwen.

'' Yeah Galadriel is right!'' Eowyn encouraged Galadriel.

Arwen realized that Galadriel was right. But, being away from Aragorn was bad for her. The last time he left was to accompany Frodo to Mordor. He was gone for a long time. ''It's only for a while.'' She thought to herself. ''Why didn't Faramir come?'' She asked Eowyn.

'' Umm he had business to do.'' Eowyn said with confusion. Eowyn had an image how Faramir would react since she was gone. She shuttered at the thought.

'' Yeah Galadriel you are right. Arwen agreed.

''Well beach here we come!'' Galadriel exclaimed with joy.

She runs off and Arwen and Eowyn follow.

**Narrator:** Well the beach is fun! Hope they enjoy themselves.

**Disclaimer:** You know, they get to have fun but I have to stay here and say Lotr belongs to Tolkien repeatedly. There isn't any free food!

**Author:** Will you stop complaining?

**Disclaimer:** mocking tone What are you going to do fire me?

**Author:** Your fired!

**Disclaimer:** Yeah! I 'll get freed food yahoo! Goodbye everyone so long.

**Author:** All right leave!

**Disclaimer:** Oh I forgot Orlando Bloom is in my closet take care of him.

adios leaves I'll miss him! Cries

**Narrator**: Do you think he is really in there?

**Author**: Yeah right we all know that's bull!

**Narrator:** Lets find him!

**Author:** Why would Orlando be in his closet?

**Narrator:** Maybe we will find out.

**Author**: Ok let's go!

They go into Disclaimers room

**Author**: looks around Whoa food posters!

**Narrator:** Disclaimer is more twisted that we thought.

**Author and Narrator**: walk to the closet Author opens the door

**Author and Narrator**: ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


	8. Poor warehouse

**Narrator:** As you know Disclaimer is fired.

**Author:** So I'll be Disclaimer by the way I don't own Lord Of The Rings!

**Narrator:** All right back to the story!

Chapter 8

Elrond and the twins are at Seven Eleven looking at fireworks. Elrond was amazed by all the pretty colors. ''Oh pretty colors!''

"'Hey let's try them out!'' Elldan suggested.

''Yeah!'' Elrohir grabbed the bucket. ''Hey dad want to do the honor of lighting the fireworks? ''

''Aww thank you son '' Elrond hugged Elrohir. ''You too.'' He hugged Elldan too.

''Dad we don't have all day!'' Elldan whined.

''Keep your pants on!'' Elrond remarked. Elrond grabbed the fireworks from Elrohir.''Ready?'' he asked them both.

''Yeah.'' they said together.

Elrond removed the caps off the fireworks,

and, threw the fireworks by a warehouse. The warehouse explodes into pieces and falls to the ground. A guy nearby was really pissed off and walked toward them.

**Narrator:** Bam Bam!

''Why the hell did you blow up the warehouse?'' The man asked angrily.

''Well sorry for living it was an accident.'' Elrond said meekly.

''I'm going to call the police and have you arrested. You will be sorry you did this! '' The man yelled at them.

''But we didn't do it on purpose.'' Elrond cried.

'' Your still going to jail!'' the man barked.

Elldan noticed Halle Berry walking by. ''Hey there is Halle Berry!''

''Really I want her!'' the man ran off.

''That's sweet man!'' Elrohir clapped Elldan on the back. They then run into a barrel and jump in it. '' Phew were safe in here.'' Elrohir whispered.

Elldan noticed that the hobbits were there as well. Just walking around.

''Look it's the hobbits!''

'' Yeah they can help us.'' Elrond said.

Elrohir tapped on the barrel quietly but loud enough for them to hear.

''Hobbits come here.'' Elrond whispered.

The hobbits turned around and heard his voice. They walked over to the barrel. ''Why are you guys hiding?' Frodo pondered.

''Just hanging out.'' Elrohir said sarcastically.

''Where hiding from someone!'' Elldan took a breath.

'' Why?'' Merry wanted to know.

''Here is the story.'' Elrond took a breather. '' We went to buy fireworks. ''

''Man we should of came with you.' Merry interrupted.

''Let me finish!'' Elrond snapped. ''So anyway we go by a warehouse and decided to try them out. But the warehouse blows up. Now this man is chasing us. '' He took a deep breath.

Everyone was silent until Merry and Pippin started cracking up.

'' Now what is so funny?'' Elrond demanded.

'That's to funny to me!'' Merry still laughed.

''Yeah really blowing up a warehouse!''

''Oh really?'' What about at Bilbo's party with the dragon?'' Frodo shot back at them.

''Your point is?'' Pippin rolled his eyes.

''Forget it!'' Frodo said. ''Why do you need our help?''

''Well we need you guys to guard us from the police. '' Elldan remarked.

''Oh well we are on the run from fan girls so we have to be careful.'' Merry added.

''Oh fan girls great.'' Elrond said in a sarcastic tone.

''Hey can we get out of here? I have to go to the bathroom!'' Elrohir whined.

Elldan looked around.'' Yes indeed it's safe. ''

''Yahoooooooooooooo!'' Elrond said in joy.

They get out of the barrel and they're off.

**Narrator:** Back in Disclaimer's room!

Screams ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Author:** What's wrong?

**Narrator:** Orlando Bloom is in the closet. I love Disclaimer even though I have hated her forever.

**Author:** sarcastic tone He isn't in there. You know that Disclaimer is a bastard and full of BS.

**Narrator:** No really he is in here.

**Author:** walks over to the closet Holy Shit! I'm not dreaming!

Narrator and Author scream

Yahoooooooooooooo! We aren't dreaming!

**Orlando: **Will you stop with the bloody screaming? I have a headache.

**Narrator**: Keep your pants on.

**Author: **We aren't used to meeting famous people like you.

**Narrator**: We love you!

**Orlando:** Well thanks for making me feel special. Now will you loves like untie me?

**Author:** Sure! Untie him

**Orlando:** Yes thank you! Hugs them both

**Author:** How long have you been in here?

**Orlando:** For weeks

**Narrator:** how could you survive that long?

**Orlando:** Basically food and water and air.

**Author:** How did you get here?

**Orlando: **Well I was at my mums house for a family gathering. Pauses The next thing I know I'm here.

Where is Disclaimer anyway?

**Narrator:** um she quit the business.

**Author:** Yeah let's go with that!

**Orlando:** Ok

Silence

**Orlando:** Are you guy's hungry?

**Author and Narrator**: Yeah!

**Orlando:** Let's get something to eat.

Like fish and chips!

**Author**: How about a burger?

**Orlando and Narrator**: Yeah!

They run off


	9. The bet, gandalf and old ladies, and GPS

Chapter 9 

**Narrator:** Wow I had a great time with Orlando. I don't think I could eat anymore. All right now let us go check on Gandalf.

Gandalf is at the polka store looking at CD. "Hmm let us see what they have,'' he thought to himself. An old lady came up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Gandalf turned around to face the lady. She was an elderly woman.

"Oh lord, it's Gandalf the White! He is even sexier in person," the lady shouted. Gandalf looked kind of confused. "Ummmm okaaayyyy! I'll keep that in mind," he replied.

"Hey girls! Come over here!'' The lady shouted to the others. Just as the ladies heard, they rushed right over to Gandalf.

" Ummmm do you want an autograph?'' Gandalf stammered.

"Yes!'' the ladies shouted. Gandalf took out a piece of pen and paper and signed Gandalf the White on it. "There you go!" he handed it to her.

"Thank you! I got an autograph from Gandalf!'' the lady exclaimed.

''Finally the missing piece for the Gandalf shrine!" another lady shouted.

The ladies ran of out the store.

"People these days.'' Gandalf sighed. He left the store. On the road a bunch of stupid kids are playing by the sidewalk. "Why are you playing by the road?" he demanded.

"Ooooo pretty cloak!'' the kid said ignoring Gandalf.

"Yes my cloak rocks, but can you answer the question?''

"Forget the cloak, look at his staff,'' another kid said admiring his staff. The kid grabbed it out of his hands.

"Hey give that back!'' Gandalf demanded.

"No,'' the kid replied with a sneer. He took out a flamethrower and turned it on.

"Burn it burn it!'' the other kids chanted.

Gandalf got angry. So he did a magic spell. The kids all got traumatized. The kid handed the staff back to him and ran off.

"Jackasses.'' He muttered under his breath.

**Narrator:** Okay, enough with Gandalf's story. Time for the stalkers! I want to hear about their evil plans. Mwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Oh sorry!

The stalkers were assembled. ''So what is the plan?'' Heather asked everyone.

"Well we have to find out where everyone is first.'' Wormtongue replied.

"How will we find them?'' Rachel wondered.

"Yeah they aren't in sight.'' Heather agreed with Rachel.

"Well we have to find Frodo so he can sign my nude autograph picture!''

Lonny exclaimed.

"That is the last thing he will do,'' Rachel reminded him.

Lonny's face faded with his happiness earlier.

"You guys are morons!'' Kelsey exclaimed.

Ann thought of an idea. ''We can pin point their directions.'' Everyone turned around to look at her. They were all confused.

"Anyway,'' Ann continued. "I have a GPS and they will show up as dots, so we can find out where they are. Everyone was still confused.

"To make this simple there are red dots and blue ones. The red ones are they and when they are tracked down a red dot will appear and their name will be written underneath the dot. The blue ones are us.''

"Have you found anyone?'' Wormtongue asked.

Ann checked her GPS. Dots then popped onto the screen. A red dot flashed and Eowyn was written underneath. ''Yes I found Eowyn,'' she informed Wormtongue.

Wormtongue started to hyperventilate. "Eowyn! She is so beautiful with her blonde hair shimmering in the light. Then, there are her boobs. Boy I would like some of that…………''

"Wormtongue, that was too much information then we needed to know.'' Heather said nervously.

"I'm okay though!''

"So anyway Eowyn is at the Las Vegas Love Pool, which is three blocks from here,'' Ann told everyone. '' We are on 6th street and the pool is that way.'' She pointed.

Everyone ran off with excitement.

**Narrator: **Okay let's go to Canada to see everyone else. I bet that Celeborn is frolicking rough the flowers. Oh what a horrible sight! You know I always wondered if Celeborn had issues because in Lord Of The Rings he doesn't seem to have any. Hmmmmmmmm! Anyway let's see how Canada is doing.

Of course the Narrator is right. **Narrator:** Ha Ha Ha!

Anyway he is frolicking through the flowers. Until Denathor sticks his leg out and trips him. " Denathor you faggot, you tripped me!'' Celeborn yelled.

"Celeborn you are such a moron. Look I bet you're a fairy. ''

"I can see why you weren't king of Gondor,'' Celeborn shot back.

"Shut up fairy,'' Denathor shouted.

"Oh no it's on, Grandpa bring it!'' Celeborn kicked him in the stomach.

Denathor threw mud on his face. He felt like he was so cool to through mud on the face of an elf king.

''That was so lame,'' Celeborn replied.

"Oh really?'' Denathor grinned. ''I'll show even better.'' He punched Celeborn in the face. They started fighting.

Meanwhile Gollum and Saruman are in the forest thinking evil plans to destroy Canada.

"I think we shall destroy this place and create Isenguard!'' Saruman exclaimed.

"Yes precioussssssssssssssssss!'' Gollum hissed.

"Don't you get tired of speaking in the third person all the time?'' Saruman asked.

"No preciousssssssssssssssssssss', Gollum hissed back.

Now on the grass where Sam and Gimli are arguing about what kind of fish is better.

''Flounder kicks but, '' Sam said.

''No way Salmon,''Gimli replied.

''Flounder it's not pink and that is disgusting!''

''Salmon!''

''Flounder!''

Gimli looked over and saw Celeborn and Denathor beating the hell out of each other. ''Stop!'' He shouted. Everyone stopped and turned around. ''Look we shall become a team.''

''Right Gimli.'' Sam agreed. ''Were stuck here and if we work together the faster we will get out of here.''

''Hell no I am not working with fairy boy over their,'' Denathot protested.

''shut up,'' Denathor demanded.

Later on at the gas station, Sam kept figuring out how to get the gas.

''Ok how do you do this?''

Saruman grabbed the plug and put in the car and turned on the machine.

Four minutes later he took it out. ''Their''

''All right Denathor your turn to drive,'' Celeborn said.

''No it is the hobbit's turn,'' Denathor replied.

''I can't my feet can't reach the pedals.'' Sam argued.

''Yeah Saruman and I drove already,'' Celeborn shouted.

''fine,'' Denathor grumbled. He got into the drivers seat into the car.

''Ok time for action.'' He told everyone while putting the keys into the ignition.

"Action?'' 'You drive like your grandmother, really slowly. '' Gimli replied.

"Silly dwarf, she is a good driver Denathor said snidely and glared at Gimli. ''Anyway let's get show on the road.''

'' This will be a long ride,"Sam sighed.

''Oh yes it will hobbit, ''Denathor said.

"Oh great!'' Sam said sarcastically.

"Time to rock and roll,''' Denathor said as he put his foot on the gas pedal.

He was driving so slowly that it wasn't even funny.

"Oh g-d our grandma drives like you do. Dwarf is right ''Gollum complained.

He got up and walked up to Denathor and pushed him out of the seat. Once he was in the seat he started to floor the car.

"Oh no!'' Denathor screamed.

Gollum continued to drive but he went over a speed bump. The car shook as it went over the bump. Also, Celeborn's latte spilled all over his tunic.

Celeborn looked at his tunic and saw the spilled latte all over it.

"Dam you Gollum My Coca Mocha latte spilled all over my tunic because of your reckless driving,'' Celeborn shrieked.

"Get over it Elf boy at least we aren't driving like Grandpa over there''

Gollum shot back.

" No way I drive better than you do'' Denathor hollered.

"No way!''

"Well now I must change'' Celeborn broke in.

"Aww poor you,' mocked Denathor.

Celeborn ignored Denathor and went into a changing room and closed the door.

Gollum still was driving and drove over another speed bump. Sam, Saruman, Gimli, and Celeborn got thrown against the wall. Gollum stopped the car to see how they were doing.

"You wench!'' Sam said angrily. "When I get off the wall I'm going to kick you in the behind you asshole!''

Sam jumped off the wall as so did everyone else. He chased Gollum around the room. Everything was breaking. Like the lamps and table fell down when Sam walked on it.

Gollum stopped and Sam stopped dead in his tracks.

''Drive filthy hobbit,'' Gollum snarled.

" No I'm going into the lounge, ''Sam said as he walked inside then closed the door.

Celeborn came back with a new shirt on that said: ''don't hate me cause I'm beautiful. '' It was in pink shiny sequence. .

" Ummmm oh my g-d!'' Denathor said surprised.

"Nice sequence!'' Gimli commented.

" Let's all work as a team! Come on everyone!'' Celeborn said ignoring Gimli and Denathor and copying Sam. He walked off in disgust.

Gimli fell asleep on the floor. "Hey want to play Go Fish?'' Denathor asked Saruman.

"Hell yeah!'' Saruman said. ''But let's make a bet.'' "If I win you have to massage my feet for two weeks. And clean them.'' Saruman flashed his feet. They were very hairy there was fungus between his toes as well.

In the distance they heard a high-pitched scream. Saruman looked around then shrugged.

"Ok deal but if I win you have to write a love song to someone in this room. Then when you're done you have to sing it to the person in front of everyone. Deal? '', Denathor explained.

"Oh piece of cake'' Saruman said all macho.

"Oh really?'' Denathor asked. The person is………. Gollum!''

"What?'' Said Saruman in horror.

"You have to do something for me,'' Denathor reminded him.

"I hate your guts,'' Saruman grumbled.

"I know you do.'' " So are you on?''

"Yeah!'''

**Narrator:** So everyone is hanging out. Who will win?

**Author:** So since Disclaimer is fired I will be disclaimer! No we don't own Lord Of The Rings. If I did I would make millions! Now I'm hungry I need to build a restaurant around here. I need crew, equipment. Well I got to go now! Bye runs off


	10. The bet continued

Chapter 10 

**Author:** I'm hungry, oh yeah I don't own Lord Of The Rings. Takes out a hamburger and starts eating Ok back to the story!

**Narrator: **So Saruman and Denathor are playing gold fish.

" So do you have any jacks? '', Saruman asked.

" Go Fish!''

"I hate you so much,'' Saruman whined as he took a card from the Go Fish Pile.

Denathor looked at his cards. He had a book of jacks. "Ha I have a book of jacks,'' Denathor laughed and put them down. " Have any queens?'' He asked Saruman.

" Yes,'' he gave all of them to Denathor.

Gimli woke up and said: "Saruman Denathor is going to kick your ass all the way to Mozambique. '' Then he fell back asleep again.

A couple minutes later Denathor gained four more books. The deck was gone and their cards were too. Saruman had 1 book and Denathor had five.

" I win!'' Denathor exclaimed. " Well I hope you have fun writing your song,'' Denathor mocked.

"I can't believe I am doing this.'' Saruman said to himself.

Later on that night, Saruman was on the floor lying on his stomach writing the love song. With his paper and a pencil he began to write.

Meanwhile, Sam came out of his room and tiptoed in the hallway. He loved midnight snacks. When he came out he saw Saruman on the floor.

He then wondered what could possibly he be doing at this hour.

''Everyone else is sleeping, a little late to be writing up plans to take over the world don't you think?''

" What do you want hobbit,'' Saruman turned around.

Sam just laughed.

"What is so funny?'' Saruman demanded.

" Oh nothing you wouldn't understand,'' Sam said.

"Okay then, now scram and let me finish my work.''

" Why at this hour?''

"I can't sleep!''

Sam peeked at his work. "World domination plans eh?''

" Yes, now get your little half ling ass out of here!''

''It is a love song for Gollum,'' Sam shrieked. He just started laughing.

''What is so funny?''

''This is hilarious, I have to tell the others about this they would get a kick out of this.'' He said still laughing.

Saruman stood up looking firmly at Sam. " You can't tell anyone what I'm doing. The reason why I'm doing this is because Denathor and I made a bet and he won so this is what I have to do.''

Sam stopped laughing. " You are going to sing this to Gollum out loud in front of everyone?''

"Duh!''

" Well good luck with the song '', said Sam still laughing as he left.

**Narrator:** Well this will be interesting. Now let us see how the stalkers are doing.

The stalkers are on the street still finding Frodo.

" Have you found Frodo yet?'' Rachel asked.

"Hmm'', said Ann checking her GPS. " No not yet. He keeps moving.''

" What about Legolas and Aragorn?'' Heather asked.

Ann checked her GPS. Then, red dots appeared and their names are written underneath. " Yes I found them. ''

Heather begins to hyperventilate.

" Keep your pants on!'' Ann shouted.

Heather stopped and Kelsey held on to her so she wouldn't continue.

" Ok I found them both at the Las Vegas Club, which isn't far from where we are standing.'' " We can get them first then Eowyn unless Frodo is in a closer spot. "

" Ok let's get this over with,'' Kelsey said with a sigh.

The stalkers ran off.

**Narrator**: Well the end!

**Author:** I'm getting exited.

**Narrator:** About what?

**Author:** Well Saruman's song and Haldir meets Lalathith. I hope Frodo will be found.

**Narrator:** Well you decide that.

**Author:** I don't like pressure!

**Narrator:** Well deal with it!

**Author: **Okay


	11. The romance

**Author:** Hi! Lord Of The Rings rocks and I don't own it!

**Narrator:** Welcome back my fellow friends! I hope that you thought about those questions Author asked you. Right now we will talk about Haldir and Lalathith.

Chapter 11

That afternoon we go to a club where Aragorn, Legolas, and Haldir are.

" Trust me we won't find Lalathith. '' Haldir said sadly.

" She said she would be here.'' Legolas reminded him.

" She could of made it up, this is a trick.''

" Oh yeah like this is a trick,'' Aragorn said sarcastically.

" Wait I remember her!'' Legolas said.

"Legolas!" Aragorn shouted.

" No I never dated her. But she was hitting on me all the time back in Mirkwood when we were elflings. ''

" Haldir, as your good buddy let me tell you this. " Aragorn said to Haldir.

" What dump the old fool?''

" No.'' Aragorn said putting his hand on Haldir's shoulder.

" That was what I was thinking but no.''

" Haldir I think what Aragorn is trying to tell you that she doesn't deserve to be with a great person like you.''

" Well it's worth a shot,'' Haldir sighed.

" Legolas and I right behind you,'' Aragorn tried to cool down Haldir.

But it didn't work. Haldir believed that this was a prank. Since Lalathith dumped him years ago. Why would she want him back? Haldir racked his brain to remember all of their good times but it just brought back pain.

" Are you guys really supporting me through this? ''

Legolas noticed Lalathith coming towards them. She had long brown hair tied up in a braided ponytail with green eyes and wearing a lot of makeup and had a gold robe on.

" Hey their she is.'' He informed everyone. " Aragorn let's bounce. ''

" What about your moral support?''

" Haldir do you really think that she would want us around?''

Aragorn said sarcastically. .

" I can't face her alone!'' Haldir whimpered.

" What could she do?'' Legolas asked.

" Who knows?''

Lalathith was walking over to meet Haldir. She stopped to meet Haldir.

" Hi Haldir,'' she said in a soft voice. She stared at Legolas. " Hey their!'' She winked at Legolas.

" Umm hi,'' Haldir said with a startled look on his face.

Lalathith turned around to face Aragorn. " Hi their big strong muscle man, I never saw you before.''

" My name is Aragorn son of Arathorn,'' he said all macho.

" I am charmed.''

" Well I think that Aragorn and I should leave, since you guys need to spend time together '' Legolas motioned to Aragorn.

" Yeah we don't want to be in the way of your love.'' Aragorn laughed.

Aragorn and Legolas disappeared.

" So how is life?'' Haldir asked.

Lalathith turned around to face Haldir. " It's great.''

" I got your note.''

" Great!''

Haldir wanted to just swear and tell her off but he figured that maybe they could start over again. But, he had questions that needed to be answered tonight and had to know now. Questions like why is she here? How did she know I was here? How did you know I would be at the video game store? They were all running around his head but now it was time to ask her.

" Why are you here? How did you find me?'' The questions spat out.

" Well you know, it is a funny story.'' Lalathith explained

(Flashback begins)

Lalathith is walking down a street in Vegas. She notices a sign over the building where Haldir is. The sign reads, "Haldir is in here."

"Hmm," Lalathith thought. "I think I will visit Haldir."

(End flashback)

"Wow," Haldir said in awe, at the conclusion of the flashback.

" But wait why did you dump me?'' Haldir wanted to know.

" I don't know what came over me but this is how it happened. ''

Flashback begins

Lalathith was sitting in her room on her bed. She was thinking about this whole thing and she didn't feel right about her relationship. So, she took out her magic eight ball. " Should I keep dating Haldir?'' She thought. Then, she shook the ball and it said definitely not.

End flashback

This angered Haldir though. " Well don't you remember all the good times we had?'' " Seriously, why did you dump me when we had all of these great moments together?'' " Remember?''

" Yes I do remember.'' Lalathith said calmly. A flashback came into her head again.

Flashback begins

Haldir and Lalathith are in a garden with beautiful sunflowers on a sunny afternoon. They are both frolicking through the garden. Sentimental music is playing as well. Celeborn frolics too. They turn to look at him, then continue.

End of flash back

Then, Lalathith remembered another memory.

Flash back begins

Lalathith and Haldir are sitting by the lake on a hill, on a warm afternoon at the park.

So then, they decide to roll down the hill for fun. They got onto the top of the hill and rolled down. Haldir rolled down so fast he rolled right into the lake and was all wet. The ducks came over to him and thought he was food and started to peck him to death. " Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!'' he screamed. Lalathith laughed then fished him out of the lake.

End of flash back

" Yes I remember them fondly.'' She said. " Now I realized that I was a fool for breaking up with you. '' " Looking back at all of these memories, I missed you.''

" Oh really?'' Haldir asked. He didn't believe this one bit.

" Yes, Haldir do you want to be with me because I want you.''

" I don't know!'' Haldir replied.

**Narrator:** Well poor Haldir he has to choose but I hope he dumps her.

**Author:** Oh yeah! Well got to go bye! Leaves


	12. The Saruman Inside

Chapter 12

**Narrator:** Welcome back mates! Takes a sip of her coffee

This is good coffee. So how is everyone doing? Well I'm just peachy.

Let us see how the stalkers are doing.

**Author:** Lord Of The Rings belongs to J.R.R Tolkien Shessh.

Man this is annoying saying over again. I'm leaving.

**Narrator:** Where are you going?

**Author:** To the bar

**Narrator:** Okay don't get drunk. .

**Author:** whatever leaves

**Narrator:** Okay then let's go to Frodo! Frodo Frodo! I can make up a song about him. So anyway let's see how the stalkers are doing.

The stalkers are on the sidewalk of Casino Boulevard. "Where is Frodo?''

Rachel asked.

"This isn't working, he keeps moving. '' Ann complained.

Finally Frodo's dot stopped.

"Yes I found him!''

"Where?'' Wormtongue asked.

"In the alley by the Hard Rock Hotel.''

"Yes!'' Lonny and Rachel began to Hyperventilate.

"Enough with the hyperventilate!'' Heather shouted.

"Finally Frodo will sign this nude picture. '' Lonny said kissing his face.

"Oh there is no way he will sign it.'' Heather said trying to make Lonny sad.

"Oh I will find a way!'' Lonny said with pride.

"I don't want to know, for safety reasons.'' Wormtongue said curtly.

"Good thinking,'' Kelsey agreed with him.

Lonny and Rachel began to fight. "He's mine you can't have him.'' Rachel spat. "No mine!'' Lonny declared!

"I think he likes me anyway.''

"No way!''

"Yes way!''

'No.''

'Yes.''

Lonny then punched Rachel in the nose. Rachel punched him back.

"Hey this is entertaining. Where is my chair?'' Wormtongue demanded.

Ann ignored Wormtongue but had to agree that this entertaining as they were still fighting.

Kelsey just rolled her eyes." Why did I come here with you idiots?''

"Cause we get to go to Las Vegas, Sin City they call it.'' Heather reminded her.

"I rather go to Ireland.'' She muttered under her breath.

"You know,'' said Wormtongue broke the subject. " Do you think that Eowyn will dig me? ''

"Of course,'' said Ann. "Let's go get them and get moving.''

Rachel and Lonny stopped fighting as she said that, and they left.

**Narrator: ** Well, now it's time for the losers. I think that Saruman will perform his song today.

It is the morning still, as they are in the car. Saruman was alone in the main hallway. He knew that today he had to sing his song to Gollum. He felt all pain in his sides. Butterflies in his stomach as well. "Dam I have to sing the song today.''

Gollum walked in to look for something. This was the time to ask him. He had no other time to do so and then Denathor would still reprimand him about it.

"Hey their Gollum I have something to tell you.''

"What?''

"There is something I have to say.'' Saruman gulped. "Play it Chucky!''

"You got it dude!'' Chucky said then began to play music on the piano.

At this point everyone walked in to see this.

Sam muttered to himself." Boy this will be good.'' Denathor just smiled.

"I call this song:''The Saruman Inside.''

He begins

Saruman:

Gollum, my love,

Since I first met you my love for you grew,

Something from me was missing,

That something was you.

Gollum, my love,

Some say loves nothing but a game,

But then why do these feelings stir within me,

When I hear your name? OHHHHHHHHHHH

Someday I knew I'd find the one that's only for me!

I knew that would find the one to make me so happy!

One day I knew I'd reach the top on life's roller coaster ride,

But it was only you who found the Saruman inside. OHHHHHH!

You found the Saruman inside!

From you I will not hide!

Who says all men need a bride?

You found the Saruman inside!

You were the only one not blinded,

The only who could see,

You were the only one, who uncovered,

The lover's heart in me! Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

Although it may not be right,

Although it might be a sin,

I love you for finding my hidden layers,

Buried deep within! Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

You found the Saruman inside!

From you I will not hide!

Who says all men need a bride?

You found the Saruman inside!

I've always wanted to wear,

Polka-dot dresses,

Gollum will you let me,

Be your precious?

I'll hold you when you're crying,

I'll catch you when you fall,

Sure we'll have our troubles,

But love will overcome all! Ohhhhhhhhhhh!

You found the Saruman inside!

From you I will not hide!

Who says all men need a bride?

You found the Saruman inside!

You were the only one, who gave me,

The best of all bliss! Take it Kelly!

Kelly Clarkson: Some people wait a lifetime,

For a moment like this!

(10 seconds go by. Everyone waits)

Saruman:

You found the Saruman inside!

From you I will not hide!

Who says all men need a bride?

You found the Saruman inside!

You found the Saruman inside!

From you I will not hide!

Who says all men need a bride?

You found the Saruman insiiiiiiiiiiiddddde!

Music stops

"Thanks Chucky!'' Saruman said.

"Sure thing boss.'' Chucky grabbed his piano and jumped out of the car.

"Thanks Kelly Clarkson!'' Saruman thanked her.

"Saruman you are a great singer, if you were on American Idol you would have my vote.'' She jumped out of the car with Chucky.

Then their was clapping from the background. Everyone turned around to see who it was.

"Hey, you guys are from American Idol. I always watch your show.'' Sam flipped out.

"Yes we are,'' said Randy Jackson.

"Frankly, I believe that was horrible,'' said the voice of Simon Cowell.

Usually this was typical of him to make fun of others. Also he is the only British judge.

"No it wasn't ugly human.'' Gollum hissed. He started to beat up Simon.

"Saruman you have my vote.'' Randy said.

"Same here.'' Said Paula. "Oh Randy we have to go.''

"Yeah, let's go.'' Randy dragged Simon away from Gollum and they jumped out of the car.

Everyone began to start crying.

Sam was still crying. "That song was so sad. What do you think Gollum?"

Gollum through muffled tears couldn't believe anything. "We can't believe this. No one loved us. Our family disowned us. ''

"Saruman I never thought you were a singer.'' Gimli said.

"Saruman is this true?'' Celeborn asked.

"No of course not." Denathor laughed.

"Yes it is wizard said those words to us no one would ever do that.'' Gollum choked on his tears.

"Ah Gollum the song it was for a bet.

"What?''

"See Denathor and I were playing Go Fish. The bet was if I lose I would have to write a song for you. If I won Denathor would massage my feet for a week. ''

"Wizard is so funny telling jokes to us.'' Gollum hissed again.

"Hey a hotel let's stay here at the Holiday Inn.'' Celeborn informed everyone!''

"Stop the car.'' Sam shouted.

"Here we are.'' Celeborn stopped the car.

Everyone gets out of the car and get their bags.

"Pretty hotel!'' Gimli said admiring the outside. It was forest green.

"Yes it is.'' Celeborn said and took out his camera and took pictures.

"Oh no you're turning into my mother. Scrap books frolicking through the flowers. '' Denathor shrieked.

"Shut up you old hag. '' Celeborn snapped

"Do you have my mom's phone number?''

"No."

"Oh forget this I'll check in for us. '' Denathor stomped away.

"What bit him in the ass?'' Sam asked.

"That happens when you're an old hag like him." Sighed Gimli.

"Ok! "

"Oh let's go I'm tired.'' Saruman yawned then left to go inside.

Gollum followed him inside.

Celeborn, Sam, and Gimli headed inside.

In the hotel later on at night.

Celeborn looks at the walls noticing the wallpaper. Also the beds.

"Nice colors they match the beds.''

"Oh stop your scaring me! Denathor got down to the floor and sat in fetal position.

Sam: looked outside. "We should go to bed its late.

Everyone else climbed into bed and fell asleep.

**Narrator:** Aw look at their so cute when their asleep. Especially Sam.

Takes pictures of Sam What if Author gets drunk at the bar? I'm going to the bar. Runs to the bar Sees author acting very drunk

**Author:** Oh look at me I'm a little bumblebee up in the tree.

**Narrator: **How many glasses of wine did you have?

**Author:** Oh 23

**Narrator: **Holy Crap!

Author: Hey Lori how about another Martini?

**Lori:** I think you had enough 23 martinis that's a record Joe over there had 21 martinis. Hey everyone this girl had 23 martinis.

**People:** Yeah!

**Narrator:** We're going now. Next time you want to go to the bar I'm going with you.

**Author:** runs to the stage sings a song

I got a nickel a penny 5 dollars in my pocket. Nickel falls out of her pocket

My nickel has left me. Picks up nickel and put it in pocket

**Guy number1:** Oh start dancing!

**Guy number 2:** Take your clothes off!

Other guys: yeah! Chanting take it off take it off!

**Narrator:** Hell no!

**Author:** continues singing I think I'll use my dollar to buy a lollipop a juicy lollipop. Suddenly faints

**Narrator:** Oh no! Runs onto the stage Ok let's get out of here.

**Author:** wakes up

**Narrator:** Back to the story let us see how Arwen, Galadriel, Eowyn are doing.

The girls are hanging at the pool just relaxing in their bikinis.

"Ahhhh this is the life.'' Eowyn said breathing the air.

"Oh yeah!'' Arwen holding her drink. "The both of you were right this is the life! To get away from our husbands and just chill.''

"Yeah!'' Galadriel agreed. "I can't believe what Celeborn and Haldir did.''

"That was nasty!''

"Faramir is annoying and immature and stubborn.''

"Bleh Aragorn is barely around. The last time I saw him when he went off to Mordor with Frodo. ''

"Men!'' They said in unison and clinked on the sides of their glasses.

"So how was your ride here?'' Eowyn asked.

"It sucked we played Gold Fish.'' Arwen said dryly.

"Ha poor you I'd love to be with you! '' Eowyn laughed.

"What you did,'' Arwen demanded.

"We sang songs and drove Gandalf and Gimli crazy. Even though Gimli jumped out the window. ''

"I wish Arwen and I could come with you. Lucky bastard...'' Galadriel said sadly.

"Well you can!''

"Yeah!''

"This is fun!'' Eowyn said precisely.

Two minutes later they sat their.

"Oh really, now I'm bored!'' Galadriel said darkly. "Now what are we to do now?''

Arwen got up and jumped in. Eowyn and Galadriel followed. Arwen swam around and Eowyn and Galadriel just hung out by the stairs.

Later on, a couple of guys came up to them.

"Hey there hot stuff.'' One guy said. He short blond hair, thin, blue eyes, and wearing a huge necklace. Tall He was light skin.

Arwen came up underneath the water and looked at him and looked him up and down. She never saw any guys looking like him and the other two in Rivendell.

"What's your name?'' The guy gestured at Arwen.

"My name is Arwen Evenstar daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell. '' She greeted him.

"Well my name is Brian.'' Brian said.

The other guy next to Brian was starring at Eowyn. He had black hair with a two earrings in his left ear. He was also tall like Brian. But he had green grayish eyes and was kind of chubby. His hair was also short. He had dark skin.

"Hey cutie what is your name?'' He said looking at Eowyn.

"My name is Eowyn daughter of Eomund, sister of King Eomer of Rohan, shield maiden I might add,'' She bowed her head.

"Oh I have a polite girl.'' he said enviously.

"My name is Darren.'' He replied.

The third guy was looking at Galadriel. He had light brown hair and was tall like Brian and Darren and had brown eyes, light skin. Skinny like Brian and very broad shoulders. Muscular I might add.

"What's your name?'' He asked Galadriel with a deep voice.

"I'm Galadriel queen of LothLorien. All powerful!'' She read his mind.

"Well hey Kyle.''

"How did you know my name?'' He asked bewildered.

"Just guessed.'' she said all innocently.

"That's cool.'' Brian said.

But then, three girls come up to them and one of them smacked Brian in the face.

"Who are you?'' Arwen demanded.

"My name is Dory and my friends Hannah and Kylie. We are their girlfriends. ''

"Baby relax we were just talking.'' Brian said to soothe her.

"Bullshit!'' Hannah said.

"Don't hit on our boyfriends you fucking bitches!'' Dory yelled.

"We can talk to them if we please!'' Arwen said very airily

"Not them you can't.'' Hannah warned them.

"Oh try and stop us.'' Eowyn said.

"Bitch you want us to bring it?'' Dory asked.

"Nah because, I would cut your tongue before you can bring it.'' Eowyn said boldly. She flashed her sword.

"Who are you anyway?'' Kylie asked.

"Well I'm Galadriel queen of LothLorien. These girls are my granddaughter Arwen Evenstar Lady I might add. Of Rivendell. Finally, our friend Eowyn shield madien of Rohan. '' Galadriel introduced her self and Arwen and Eowyn.

Dory then walked up to them closely and said: "Don't ever hit on our boyfriends again or we will come and get you. ''

Eowyn kept her sword out and Galadriel and Arwen drew theirs out as well.

"You wouldn't dare trying to kill us because we would get you first.''

"You know I think these girls are too dumb to fight our way, Arwen stated.'' But I think we should bring it. '' She released her sword and motioned Galadriel and Eowyn too do the same.

The guys just whistled at this. Before you know it people walked over to see what was going on. They bitched slapped each other and they fell into the pool al soaked and wet.

"Oh now my hair is ruined.'' Dory complained.

"Its water you moron it will dry off.'' Arwen said.

"Oh this is a riot!'' whistled Brian.

Dory grabbed Brian by the arm and left the pool and Hannah and Kylie each took Darren and Kyle by the arm and did the same.

"Man what bitches.'' Arwen said.

"Oh yeah!'' Galadriel and Eowyn agreed.

Narrator: Well that was fun watching the girls releases their feminine side.

Author: droops on Narrator's shoulder

Narrator: picks her up Oh please don't fall out on me. drags her outside

runs into Orlando 'Ello Orlando Nice night it is!

Orlando: Yeah so! What's wrong with Author?

Narrator: She passed out because she drank to much Martinis.

Orlando: How much?

Narrator: twenty three

Orlando: That is a bloody record!

Narrator: Yeah anyway let's go see how Haldir and Lalathith are doing.

Haldir and Lalathith are at the Coyote Ugly nightclub. The strippers are and the girls dancing in cages. Also Legolas but we will get to him in a minute.

Anyway, Haldir and Lalathith are in a room. Haldir is pushed against the wall. Lalathith was starting to take off her clothes but Haldir winced.

"What you don't love me?'' Lalathith asked.

"Not any more.'' Haldir spat. "You dumped me, do you really think that I'll take you back after what you did?'' "Lady what drugs are you on?''

"Oh come on, that was the past we can work things out.'' She grabbed Haldir's belt and his pants fell down. Lalathith took off her robe and was in her undergarments already. She ran and locked the door. She still had him against the wall. Haldir pushed himself off and grabbed his belt and tied it around his pants and put them back on.

"Screw this!'' "Do you do this to everyone you whore?''

Lalathith put her robe back on.

Haldir stormed off and shut the door. "What a slut. I wonder what Legolas and Aragorn are doing?''

Meanwhile, Legolas was drunk so he was on the stage singing. "Look at me I'm a kitty!'' He started to stagger and losing balance.

"Take it off all of it!'' The Fan girls shouted.

Legolas spun around and continued to sing. "I see rainbows and dollies. Waiting for me!'' Oh no he was dancing very suggestively. Heh heh

"Take it off!'' the fan girls were still shouting.

"I got me a jolly rancher.'' He now took off his belt from his pants and swung it around.

Now the fan girls were screaming! Some one threw him a dollar. But then he put the belt on. The fan girls were all crestfallen. Then, he fainted on the stage. Haldir looked up and saw him their. He then wondered what Aragorn could possibly be up to.

Aragorn was it a bar. "Hey bartender fix me up a glass of ale would you?''

The bartender gave the glass to him. "Thank you my good man.''

Aragorn gulped a couple of sips. Then he put it down. Now he was drunk.

"Your hot, your eyes are pretty.'' He commented to the bartender. This was kind of ironic since he was a random old guy. The bartender felt all delighted.

Haldir saw him and dragged Aragorn away and got Legolas too.

"Sorry precious but I got to jet.''

"Its ok babe I understand.''

Aragorn left with Haldir. Then he fainted then Haldir dragged each of them to the bathroom. He dumped the water on them. Aragorn and Legolas woke up. "What happened?'' Legolas asked all groggily.

"You were on the stage dancing. Very disturbingly I might add. ''

Aragorn woke up too. "What happened?'' he asked groggily.

"Just hitting on the bartender that's all.''

"Where is Lalathith?'' Aragorn asked.

"She's gone. What a slut.'' He said with a disgust look.

"Oh come on, I saw you too walking together and going into the room. This means you were getting down and dirty. '' Aragorn said.

"Hell no!'' Haldir shouted.

Eventually the left the club and it was night time. They go into the Hard Rock Hotel. They walked into the lounge and everyone else was their.

"Surprise!'' Everyone shouted. "Hey welcome back!'' Arwen said.

"How did you guys know to come here?'' Haldir wondered.

"We just came together and decided to find a place to stay.'' Elrohir said happily.

"Yeah and Gandalf is getting your stuff right now.'' Arwen added.

A few moments later Gandalf came in with their bags and dropped on the floor. "Oh goodness Legolas what is with all of your beauty products?''

"When I go out my hair will look super sexy!'' Legolas said.

Everyone just rolled their eyes.

Later on that night, everyone stayed up and playing truth and dare and games then they each went into their rooms to go to sleep. Except Aragorn, Legolas, and Haldir. "Room for three please.'' Aragorn told the hotel clerk. He also gave money to the clerk.

"Okay you are in room 227 on the second floor. '' He handed the key to Aragorn. Aragorn took the key and went to their room and Legolas and Haldir followed.

In their hotel room they unpacked their luggage and Legolas was sorting his beauty products in the bathroom. 'Oh what a big bathroom.'' He commented. Then, the phone rang. They wondered who it could be at this hour. Haldir went to pick it up. "Hello.'' "Hey their hon.'' Lalathith replied in a sexy voice.

"Lalathith it's late!'' Haldir screamed.

"Want to finish our business at the club if you know what I mean?'' Lalathith said. "If you want my room is 230 I'll be waiting. ''

"No fucking way you faggot!'' Haldir was really pissed now. He hung up the phone and disconnected it.

"What happened?'' Legolas asked still sorting his toilet trees.

"Lalathith called me again.'' He snapped. "I'm just tired and let's go to sleep.'' So they climbed into their beds and fell asleep.

Narrator: Man I can't believe Lalathith! What a slut!

Author: I know. Well I would like to thank my sister Rachel for writing 'The Saruman Inside.'' Thank you thank you and goodnight!

Narrator: Coffee break!


	13. Gollum and Smeagol

Chapter 13: Gollum and Smeagol

**Narrator:** Hey everyone! Nice to see you all again.

**Author:** Let's go to the bar again!

**Narrator:** No, remember what happened last night at the bar?

**Author:** Oh yeah! I don't own Lord of The Rings blah blah.

**Narrator:** Let's go!

It was the next morning in the hotel. Gollum was the first one to wake up. He moved around quietly so he wouldn't disturb anyone. A mirror was in front of him and he saw Smeagol's reflection. "Where is the precious?'' he asked Smeagol.

"Sleeping!''

"Good!''

Smeagol faded out of the mirror, and Gollum crept quietly to Saruman's bed. Saruman was on his side snoring like a horse. Gollum leaned over and kissed Saruman on the cheek. Saruman smiled and continued sleeping. Then, his eye opened, and he woke up and saw Gollum standing there. " Oh lord get away from me!'' he cried.

"But wizard, you're so cute!'' Gollum said sweetly.

"Shut up!''

"We love you!''

Saruman jumped from his bed and ran away. Gollum chased him.

"Come back,'' Gollum followed.

Sam awoke in his bed. "What the hell is going on?''

"Gollum you need help!'' Saruman said firmly.

"We need you!''

"Gollum it was a bet, get over it!'' Sam informed him.

" Shut up fat stupid hobbit!'' Gollum hissed.

" I am not fat,'' Sam said defensibly." Just big boned.''

Gollum was still chasing Saruman. Meanwhile, Celeborn, Denathor, and Gimli woke up. " Maybe I shouldn't have come here.'' Gimli sighed. "Damn, why did I jump out of the car window?''

"You are mad, that is why.'' Denathor said flatly.

Gollum was still chasing Saruman.

"Get away from me you creep!" Saruman shouted.

"Be ours!" Gollum replied happily.

"Hell no I won't!"

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Sam complained before dashing to the restroom.

**Narrator**: That's it for now. I can't stand Gollum. Let's observe the stalkers.

The stalkers were hiding, and planning their next move.

"So what should we do?" Ann wondered.

"Find Frodo!" Rachel suggested.

"Well duh," Heather answered. "But we need a plan."

"Then what's the plan, Heather?" Kelsey asked.

"I don't know!" Heather said frustrated.

"Can we get Frodo?" Lonny questioned.

"We need a plan dummy," Wormtongue said irritated.

"Yes," agreed Ann.

"Come on!" Lonny shouted. "I want Frodo! This picture of him will go to waste!"

"Hey Lonny, where did you get that from?" Rachel asked.

"From a website, but I can't say what it is," Lonny responded. "This story is rated T."

"You really want to know?" Heather asked Rachel incredulously.

"Yeah sis!"

"Do you guys think Eowyn will really dig this look?" Wormtongue interjected nervously.

"Sure, afros are awesome!" Ann reassured him.

"Good," Wormtongue said, feeling better.

**Narrator:** Well, that's the end. More will be coming very soon. I need reviews! And coffee!

**Author:** You don't need anymore coffee.

**Narrator:** Yes I do!

**Author:** Come on, you won't even let me go to the bar by myself.

**Narrator:** That's different.

**Author:** Oh okay. Stay tuned for the next chapter!


	14. Micheal Jackson and Pizza

**Chapter 14: Michael Jackson and Pizza!**

**Narrator: **Hey there mates! How are you guys doing? I am great thank you for asking.

Anyway let's go to the Hard Rock Hotel where everyone is staying.

It was early in the morning. Gandalf was awake and hungry. "Let us see what food is in the kitchen.'' Gandalf said. He rummaged through cabinets and the pantry. " This food is horrible!'' he decided. So he went to order pizza. He dialed the pizza place and someone picked up.

"Welcome to Barney's funkiest freshest pizza. How may we help you?''

" Hi Barney, if that is your real name. My name is Gandalf the White and I would like to order fourteen boxes of pizza with extra cheese, pepperoni, mushrooms, and anchovies.''

"Alright, the pizzas will arrive in half an hour."

Gandalf told him where to deliver the pizza, and hung up the phone. He grabbed a chair and opened the cabinet. Standing on the chair plates was stacked together. He took out plates slowly but they started to shake and he lost his balance and fell on the floor.

The plates all shattered.

Meanwhile, in Aragorn's room he Legolas and Haldir woke up. " What is that noise?'' he panicked.

"It could be a burglar," Legolas panicked too.

" Yeah Legolas is right,'' Haldir agreed.

In Frodo's room they were also filled with panic. " Are we getting robbed?'' Frodo said frightened.

"I think so.'' Merry stated.

"They are taking the food!'' Pippin stated too.

They scurried out of their room and went into the main area. They saw Gandalf on the floor. Haldir, Aragorn, and Legolas came in too.

"Gandalf are you alright?'' Frodo wondered.

"Don't worry I am fine!'' Gandalf replied sarcastically.

The girls, the twins and Elrond walked in with confusion on their faces.

"Whoa someone is clumsy." Elrohir commented.

Gandalf glared at Elrohir.

"What is for breakfast?'' Pippin asked.

"Pizza!''

"Interesting.'' Merry said.

Half and hour later the doorbell rang. Aragorn went to get it. He opened the door.

"Hello," said the pizza guy. "Are you Gandalf the White?''

"Umm no,'' he looked at his name tag. "No Jim.''

"Ha,'' Gandalf shouted while still on the floor. "I figured his name wasn't Barney!''

" Alright…''

"So how much are the pizzas?''

"One hundred and forty dollars."

"Who has one hundred forty dollars?'' Haldir asked.

"No!'' Merry said.

" No way!'' Pippin declared.

" I am not made of money.'' Eowyn said flatly.

" Well I never thought I had to do this,'' Aragorn replied sadly. He took out his **LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JACKSON CREDIT CARD**.

Suddenly, outside there was a scream.

Anyway he handed the **LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JACKSON CREDIT CARD** to the pizza guy. The pizza guy examined it.

" I am sorry but the **LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JACKSON CREDIT CARD** has expired."

He took out a pair of scissors and cut up the **LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JACKSON CREDIT CARD**.

" How dare you cut up my **LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JACKSON CREDIT CARD**!'' Aragorn gasped.

"It was about time.'' Legolas added.

Michael Jackson barged in. " Hey I resent that! That was cold, demeaning, discriminatory…'' Some guy shot him.

"Hoooah!'' Michael Jackson cried.

"Why did it expire anyway?'' Galadriel wanted to know.

Legolas's eye began to twitch.

"Dude what is wrong with your eye?'' Elrohir noticed.

"Nothing!''

" No it isn't fine!''

"Yes it is!'' His eye was still twitching.

Aragorn turned around to face Legolas. "So you maxed out my credit card eh?'' He started to advance on him.

"Yes!'' Legolas squeaked.

"What did you buy? ''

Legolas went into the bathroom and showed him all the beauty products.

"I can't believe you bought all that crap!''

"It isn't crap!''

"You are dead meat you bastard.'' Aragorn was now very angry. He charged after Legolas and Legolas ran away.

"You're getting me another one!'' Aragorn commanded while still chasing him.

Legolas screamed and ran away.

"Wow," whistled Pippin.

"Wow what?'' Merry knitted his eyebrows.

"Legolas is the only person I know that does the greatest girly scream ever!''

"True!''

Gandalf was still on the floor. "What about me? I have been here for half an hour!'' Gandalf was pissed.

"Don't worry,'' Frodo reassured him. " We are always their for you.''

" I don't think so.''

Frodo went to help him up.

"That will hurt till morning,'' Gandalf held his back.

"Ahem!'' Frodo coughed.

"Thanks Frodo.''

Pippin rubbed his stomach. "I am hungry. Can we eat?''

"No not until I figure out how to pay for the pizza.'' Aragorn said.

Elrond forked over some cash. "There.''

"This will do!'' The pizza guy took the money.

Aragorn and Legolas stopped running.

The pizza guy left. Now it was to dig in.

**Narrator:** Well at least they have the pizzas. Legolas better get Aragorn a credit card soon.

**Author:** Aragorn is a freak man with his **LIMITED EDITION MICHAEL JACKSON CREDIT CARD**.

**Narrator:** Yeah!

**Author:** Okay everyone now it is review time! Review! Bye Bye! Thank you and good night /morning/afternoon.


	15. Let's go clubbing

**Chapter 15: Let's go clubbing **

**Narrator:** Hey mates!

**Author:** Funky fresh chickens!

**Narrator: **blank look What?

**Author:** Never mind

**Narrator:** Ummmm okay. Let's get to the story.

The gang ate all of the pizzas. Now there stomachs were all full. The pizza boxes were all in the garbage. " I can't even move.'' Pippin clutched his stomach in pain.

"You said it!'' Merry agreed.

**Narrator: **Later on at the bar the gang just hangs out.

Aragorn sat down on a barstool. The bartender an old man came over to Aragorn. "Hey there Aragorn!'' the bartender greeted him.

Aragorn was so confused. " Do I know you?''

"Yeah the other night you came here. You were hitting on me!''

"Right… Well I must go so see you around.'' Aragorn got up and left.

As he walked away the bartender was staring. "Man I love the way he walks.''

Meanwhile, a show was going on. " And now it's.'' The ringmaster boomed but he was cut off as the marching band came in and played the theme to "Monty Python's Flying Circus.'' Girls came in and twirled flags.

"No!'' The Ringmaster roared.

"Oh sorry,'' the drum major like a conductor apologized. They stopped playing and left.

" Anyway before I was rudely interrupted.'' The ringmaster said very angrily.

"And now it's the Balrog to do some tricks.'' The curtain opened and the Balrog was there. He was fiery red with a nose ring. He doesn't look very happy.

" Your supposed to die!'' Gandalf shouted.

The Balrog ignored him. He did some tricks.

In the shadows, Lalathith was creeping about. "Haldir is mine.'' she reminded herself. "He won't accept it.''

The hobbits are chilling out. Pippin is ordering ale. Merry and Frodo are playing a card game called spit. " Ok Merry ready to spit?'' Frodo asked Merry.

So they played and Pippin watched. But, Pippin saw the same group of Fan girls that chased them before.

" Hey it is the hobbits!'' one exclaimed.

Pippin knew it was time to get out of here .He got up from his seat and ran as fast as his legs could carry him. Merry and Frodo saw Pippin running and got up to follow him.

"Why are we running?'' Frodo panted.

"The fan girls are back.'' Pippin said while running out of breath. "I hate Déjà vu.'' They kept running since there wasn't a place to hide.

Merry turned his head to see if they were chasing them. They were gone. "Their gone!'' Merry said.

"Good!'' Frodo wiped off the sweat from his face with a napkin. " Let's go to New Zealand. ''

The girls are trying their luck at the slot machines. Galadriel had all the luck. " I am rich!'' she rejoiced.

Eowyn turned around to stare at her money. " Holy shit, you lucky bastard.'' she was speechless. Arwen nodded her head in agreement.

Legolas was drunk again. He ran up to the stage. He started to stagger and lose balance. Girls were cheering and cheering.

"Tell me about it stud.'' He began to sing:

I got the chills. They're multiplying.

And I'm losing' control.

Cause the power you're supplying' it's electrifyin!

You better shape up Cause I need a man and my heart is set up; you better shape up; you better understand to my heart I must be true!

Nothing' left for me to do

You're the one I want!

At this point he jumped off the stage. He walked through the crowd.

A fan girl was going bananas. " I am the one he wants.'' Since he was walking her way.

Yeah, in her dreams he pushed her out of the way and she flew into the garbage can.

He walked up to a sign. The sign said: "No Littering!''

"You're the one I want!"

The sign didn't reply. But he continued. OOO honey the one I want! The One I need Oh yes Indeed!

I better shape up cause you need a man!  
I need a man who can keep me satisfied.

I better shape up if I'm gonna prove.

You better prove that my faith is justified.

Are you sure?

Yes, I am sure down deep inside.

You're the one I want.

You're the one I want ooo honey

The one I want ooo the one I need Oh, yes indeed. Song ends

"Encore Encore.'' The audience shouted.

"Why not?'' Legolas smiled. He ripped the sign out of the ground and ran up to the stage holding the sign. He sang again:

We Go Together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong.remembered forever like shoo bop shoo wada wadda yi pitty boom de boom.

Chang chang chang –it- ty chang shoop –bop.

That's the way it should be

Wha ooh yeah!

We're one of a kind like dip di- dip di- dip Doo- bop a doo –bee doo

Our names are signed Boog –ed-dy boog-e-dy boog-edy boog-e-dy

Shoo –by doo –wop she –bop

Chang chang chang –it ty chang shoop bop We'll always be like one! Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa!

When we go out at night. And stars are shinin' bright up in the skies above.

Or at the school dance

Where you can find romance.

Maybe it might be OhOh Oh Oh Oh…

He faints

" Nooo.'' The fan girls cried.

Aragorn and Haldir were watching to the all of the commotion going on.

" I wonder who is performing?'' Haldir asked.

Aragorn pushed through the crowd. He saw Legolas passed out on the stage.

He came back and told Haldir what was happening. " Legolas in drunk. And performed then fainted.'' He then ran up onto the stage. Now the fan girls were going insane.

" Aragorn be mine!'' one shouted.

" Sorry girls I am married. Happily I might add.'' Aragorn made it clear to them.

He dragged Legolas off the stage. Legolas still clutched the sign in his hand.

Gandalf was playing Black Jack against Elrond. The dealer dealt two cards. They turned them over. Gandalf wanted to go up. " Hit me." " Okay sir you have thirteen and you

Sir.'' he talked to Gandalf have twenty-one. '' Gandalf took the chips and ran off.

The dealer left him alone.

Later on, Elrond wanted to play again. He lost a lot but refused to give up.

"Sir you lost a long time ago. You are now at forty – seven.''

"Yeah!'' One guy said.

People in line started to protest. " We have been waiting here for two hours.'' They roared.

"They are right.'' The dealer agreed. " Sir you are starting a scene. You must leave or I will call security the dealer warned.''

"Nooo,'' Elrond screamed. The twins had to grab him and drag him away.

**Narrator: **That must have been embarrassing for Elladan and Elrohir.

**Elrohir: **Oh yeah!

**Elladan: **Thanks for agreeing with us Narrator.

**Narrator:** Your welcome!


	16. Take My Hand

**Chapter 16: Take My Hand **

**Author:** Don't you wonder what happened to Faramir?

**Narrator:** Yeah all the time. Well today we are going to focus on him.

**Author:** Finally

It was a beautiful morning in Gondor. Faramir was in his room asleep. He then woke up in a daze. He then looked at his watch it was 11:00 am. " I slept really late.'' Faramir got up and stretched. He then looked for Eowyn. " Where could she possibly be?'' He them looked around for her. He went to every room and she wasn't there. He figured that that she went out for a walk. He stood proudly in his pink duckie pajamas.

He also noticed his Lord Of The Rings calendar. He walked up to it. It was today April 5th 2005. The squares for today and a couple of weeks wrote Las Vegas. Eowyn's picture was large on the first page. The picture made him fall into a trance. He was making out with it. Suddenly, there was a loud knock on the door. "Faramir,'' shouted his servant. The servant busted through the door. He saw Faramir making out with the picture. " So is she a good kisser?'' He asked with a smirk on his face. Faramir stopped and turned around.

"Umm nothing happened,'' he stuttered. The servant chuckled and leaned against the door.

" I just wanted you to know that breakfast is ready…'' He noticed his pajamas and started to laugh.

" What is so funny?'' Faramir said crossly.

" Oh just your idea of sleeping wear would be pink bunnies or care bears or somewhat.''

Faramir hurled a pillow at him. The servant calmed down now.

" Have you seen Eowyn?''

" No, quite frankly she is gone.''

It came into Faramir's head that she is in Las Vegas. He also wondered why didn't she tell him. " I guess she forgot.'' Silly Faramir naïve and stupid how does Eowyn put up with this?

So the servant left. Faramir packed his bags and ate breakfast. He then stepped outside. It was a beautiful day. Music was playing and he started to sing: " Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day! I got a beautiful feeling everything is going my way!''

" You suck now get off the stage!'' One guy yelled. He threw the rock at Faramir and he passed out. A couple of minutes later he awoke with a daze. "Oh my head.'' He then was ready to go. He was standing on the sidewalk hoping that someone would give him a ride. He waited and waited but no one would. Two minutes no one would still give him a ride. " Dam it, why won't anyone give me a ride?''

Two guys passed him by. They saw him and turned around. " Probably because your standing here naked stupid.'' One guy said.

Faramir looked down." Ahhh!'' He looked down again. " Ahhhh!'' " I forgot to get dressed, again.''

The guys walked off disgusted.

A minute later a truck drove to the sidewalk. " Why are you standing here naked?'' The driver asked very puzzled. Faramir ran back to his room got dressed and ran back out.

"So where are you heading to?''

"I am going to Las Vegas to get my wife!''

" Alright hop in.''

Faramir hopped in and the other guy was staring at him. Faramir winced.

But before they left the servant hopped in. " I am his servant.'' He huffed.

"Why is that guy staring at me?''

" Umm it is a long story."

The truck drove off. They sat in silence for a while.

"So what are your names?'' The driver said.

" My name is Faramir and here is my servant Claude.''

"I am Big Al and my friend Bugsy.''

Bugsy was painting on makeup and put on a ski mask. Big Al did the same.

" Is their a costume party?'' Faramir wanted to know.

"Yeah sure.'' Big Al was unsure of what to say.

Bugsy glared at Faramir and Claude suspiciously. Faramir and Claude winced.

They again sat in silence for an hour. But before you know it they arrived in Vegas.

Big Al opened the door and Claude and Faramir jumped out. The truck drove off.

"Wow Vegas!'' Claude shouted in excitement. They ran off into the Donald Trump Casino.

Meanwhile, at the casino Eowyn was at the bar having a drink while Arwen and Galadriel were at the slot machines.

"What's wrong honey?'' The bartender asked her.

"Oh just bored,'' she sighed. She drew a deep breath she asked for another drink.

"It isn't interesting here. My friends are too busy at the slot machines and all the guys are stupid, especially the one over their by the bathroom picking his nose.''

The bartender was pouring a drink for someone while listening to her.

"Well,'' he said passing a drink to someone. " There is a cute guy around here.''

Eowyn was now interested. " What did he look like?'' she pressed.

"He was tall with dark skin, brown hair that is greasy, and a mustache and beard. His name is Aragorn.''

Her expression faded when he said Aragorn.

"What is wrong,'' the bartender caught her expression.

"Oh it is a long story.''

"Okay.''

" Come on have fun!'' The bartender told her.

"Alright I will!'' Eowyn got up from her seat and walked away.

"So who is winning,'' she asked when she walked up to them.

" I am!'' Galadriel said proudly.

She and Arwen kept playing. Eventually she was bored. Until a dark figure came up to her.

"Hey baby!'' It was Wormtongue. He said it in a deep voice.

Eowyn was startled by his presence. Wormtongue had an Afro black, a disco suit on, with platform suit, and wearing a lot of make up.

"Umm hi.''

Wormtongue remembered that he had to be suave since women love that.

"What is your name?'' he said all suave.

"Eowyn.''

"Eowyn is a nice name.''

"Thanks.''

"What is your name?''

Now Wormtongue was stumped. He couldn't think about a name.

"Umm… Lando!''

They talked for a while. Wormtongue like where this was going. He just had to win him over. "Would you like to accompany me on a walk?''

"Sure!''

So they went outside and held hands. They walked really slowly.

" I really like you!'' Wormtongue replied.

"I like you too.''

Wormtongue couldn't think about what to say but then he did.

"Eowyn take my hand!''

Eowyn stopped short and was lost for words.

"What?''

"Take my hand!''

"But I am already married.''

"Eowyn my dear we are great together. Take my hand.''

Take My Hand

By Rachel 

**Music starts **

**Wormtongue**: Take my hand

And you'll be free,

Free from the troubles that come,

To pass.

Take my hand.

I'll be with you,

When we cross,

To the other side.

On the road to freedom,

I will guide you,

From the troubles that come,

To pass. You know, you know that I love you.

Just take my hand,

All will be good,

With no more troubles that come,

To pass. You know, you've heard, you've heard my heart beat for you!

All the others,

Don't understand,

Or see the magic,

When you take my hand!

Just take my hand,

I'll cherish you,

No more troubles will come,

To pass. You know. You've heard. You've seen. You've seen the light of daaaaaaayyyy!

Whoa, Whoa, Whoooooooaaaaaa!

Wormtongue had images in his head. First, Faramir was dead and his grave said "Rest in Peace!'' Then, they were frolicking through a garden. Celeborn was there. " Hey dude this is my dream now get off!'' He snarled. Celeborn walked off. Then, they were making out on the beach. Then, they were married and had kids. One son and daughter. The son was Wormtongue and the daughter was Eowyn. They grew old together sitting in rocking chairs. Finally, they were buried next to each other and the grave marker said " Rest In Peace.'' He continued to sing:

Take my hand **Stalkers:** _take his hand_

And you'll be free, **Stalkers**: _(And you'll be free)_

_**Stalkers and Wormtongue**: Free from the troubles that come,_

_To pass._

**Wormtongue**: Just take my hand, **Stalkers**: _(Just take his hand)_

**Wormtongue**: I'll be with you, **Stalkers**: _(He'll be with you)_

_**Wormtongue and Stalkers**: When we cross, To the other side. _You know, _you know I/he love/loves you **Eowyn: I'll take your hand **_Wormtongue: Just take my hand!

I'll protect you! **Eowyn: I think I love you **

**Wormtongue and Eowyn: And we will see,**

**The light of day!**

**Eowyn: (The light of day!)**

**Wormtongue**: My life's no longer gray!

**Eowyn: (All is going my way!)**

**Wormtongue**: Hear what I say!

_**Wormtongue and Stalkers**: Eowyn, my dear,_

_Just take my/his hand!_ **Eowyn**: **(I'll take your hand!)**

_**Wormtongue and Stalkers**: Just take my/his hand!_ **Eowyn**: **(I'll take your hand)**

_**All: Just/I'll take my/his/your hand!**_

_**Music ends **_

Faramir and Claude came by when he finished. Faramir clapped.

"Thank you for keeping my wife company.'' Claude rolled his eyes.

"I don't think he was keeping her company.'' Claude muttered under his breath.

Faramir ignored Claude and gave Wormtongue a quarter.

"Dam it you cheapskate.'' Wormtongue said. He left the quarter on the ground and walked out into the night.

**Narrator:** Wormtongue is a great singer!

**Author:** Definitely

**Narrator:** Just wonder if Eowyn divorced Faramir and went out with Wormtongue.

**Author:** Please no bad images! Also let's think my sister Rachel who wrote Take my Hand!


	17. Barbra StreisandVideos and Poor Gandalf

**Chapter 17: Barbara Streisand Videos **

**Narrator: **Now I am going to Canada too see how the others are doing.

It is in the afternoon and they are inside of the van. Celeborn is in the back of the van watching Barbra Streisand videos. He is eating popcorn.

Denathor walked by to look for bath beads but he stopped in his tracks when he saw Celeborn movies he stopped. " Why are you watching Barbara Streisand movies?'' Denathor asked incredulously.

"Oh these are great,'' Celeborn said with his eyes fixed on the screen.

"You are gay. Just admit it gay guys watch these movies."

"No they don't,'' Celeborn protested. "Everyone loves them and cherishes them from the heart.''

"Oh please.'' Denathor gave Celeborn a side-glance.

"No silly it goes like this.'' Celeborn explained everything to Denathor.

Two hours later Denathor understood everything, and he and Celeborn were watching the movies.

A minute later Gollum wandered in. " Ooh funny girl she is, but not as funny as wizard."

He joined Celeborn and Denathor on the couch.

Suddenly, Saruman barged in. He was filled with rage. "Dammit Gollum stop stealing my boxers you bastard!''

"See what we mean?'' Gollum laughed. "Wizard is so funny.''

Saruman shut his mouth tightly, But once he saw Barbara Streisand in "Hello Dolly!''

He went off the wall. "Why the hell are you watching this?''

Gollum got up and explained everything to Saruman. "It is so clear now!'' Saruman exclaimed. "Move over!'' Saruman joined them on the couch.

"Gollum get your hand off my ass!'' So they continued to watch. "Hello Dolly!'' They heard on the screen.

Suddenly, Gimli walked in. "Alright now who is eating the ham is fridge?''

Everyone ignored him.

Gimli eyes made it to the T.V screen "Barbara Streisand!''

"Oh dwarf it isn't bad, Let me tell you!'' Saruman said.

Two hours later Gimli understood everything that Saruman explained to him.

Gimli sat on the floor watching it. They heard "Hello Dolly!'' again.

"How long is this movie?'' Gimli asked while checking the box.

Sam sauntered in. " Barbra Streisand!'' " Why?''

Gimli explained everything to Sam. Sam scurried along and joined Gimli on the floor.

A couple hours later, Sam started to get a funny feeling that something was terribly wrong. He thought and thought, but he had no idea what was amiss. Everything was totally normal; it was just he and the others watching a movie.

All of a sudden, it came to him. Sam's mouth went dry, and beads of sweat began forming on his brow. He tried to speak, but his throat seized up. He tried again, and got one word to form.

"Guys?" he asked, barely able to speak from the fear. He could have sworn he heard creepy music playing.

"Yeah, Sam?" Gimli asked.

"I just have a quick question," Sam murmured, beginning to tremble.

"Get on with it, hobbit," Denathor said exasperated.

"It's just that," Sam mumbled, looking like he was about to pass out. The creepy music grew louder. "If we're all in here, whose driving?"

There was complete silence as the others' looks of puzzlement turned to comprehension and fear.

The van started to spin around. Then it skidded. "What is happening?" Sam asked, getting frightened.

Suddenly, the van reached the cliff and went off. Down it went. It was very windy outside and everything was falling Barbra Streisand videos were flying off the window. " Nooo!'' Celeborn cried in despair. Now, the van was falling even faster. Celeborn opened the door and caught the videos.

"Get in here stupid!'' Denathor shouted. He grabbed him and pulled him inside. The door came to a close.

But, the wind was growing more powerful. The door opened and Gollum was carried away. "Wizard help us!'' He cried as he was being tossed.

Saruman was now alert. He ran in slow motion while The Saruman Inside was playing.

"Saruman, anytime now!'' Sam yelled at him.

Saruman walked forward and grabbed Gollum and pulled him in.

"Wizard you love us!'' Gollum said with joy.

Saruman was shocked. Do I love Gollum he thought? But, he had images of himself and Gollum watching the sunset. He shook out of it. " I think I do,'' he said to himself.

The car was now falling faster and it hit the ground.

Back In Las Vegas, Ganadalf was taking a shower. While he was doing that the windows were open and a bunch of old ladies were standing by the window.

"Oh look it's Gandalf!''

" He is the sexiest man alive!''

"Please drop the soap!''

Gandalf heard their voices and panicked. He put on his towel and got out. He shut the blinds to the window but they snapped.

Next, he nailed blankets and wood on to the window. But that didn't work either. He eventually figured that they left by now and he went back in.

Boy he was wrong. The ladies were still there. "Help!'' Gandalf screamed.

He ran out again with a bathrobe on. Aragorn and the others rushed in.

" What is wrong?'' Aragorn wondered.

"I was showering and a bunch of old ladies were watching me. I tried nailing stuff to the window but it didn't work.''

Aragorn didn't know what to say but he ran into the bathroom and did his business.

He also peeked out the window but no one was there.

"See their are old ladies standing their aren't their?'' Gandalf panicked when Aragorn came back.

"Gandalf I did not see any old ladies relax.'' Aragorn tried to calm him down.

But it took five minutes for Gandalf to calm him down. By then, everyone left and Gandalf went into the shower.

**Author:** Oh Poor Gandalf!

**Narrator:** Oh yeah! Now it is your entire fault.

**Author: **I beg your pardon?

**Narrator:** I have bad images in my head of Gandalf in the shower. Shutters Thanks to you!

**Author:** Oh you're welcome! Well that is it. Come on people review it isn't hard to do.

Now thank you and goodnight!


	18. The Stalkers Plan

**Chapter 18: The Stalkers plan **

**Author**: Hello

**Narrator:** Sorry we had to keep you waiting like this.

**Author:** We were busy.

**Narrator:** oh all right let's get on what the story.

Once there were 5 kids named Alex, Kara, Hannah, Stacy, and Marcel. Were hanging out at Hannah and Marcel's house.

Hannah goes into her room to get the script for Lord Of The Rings The Two Towers. And the cast comes into the room from the porthole

Very excited

**Hannah:** Holy Cow the whole gang is here!

**Frodo: **Yep

**Frodo: **Who are you?

**Hannah:** I am Hannah

**Eowyn: **Where are we?

**Hannah:** You're in my room says excitedly

**Boromir:** Ok

**Sam:** Were going to a retreat want to come?

Happy as ever

**Hannah: **sure!

**Marcel:** Hannah what's taking so long?

Very angrily

**Hannah**: guys the Fellowship are here!

**Marcel:** Come on guys lets go!

Marcel and the others run up to Hannah's room. Marcel and Alex run up to Frodo, and start fighting over Frodo

Frodo is really scared

**Frodo:** Um what's going on? Why are you guys hugging me?

**Hannah:** They are really fond of you!

**Frodo:** That explains it

**Alex: **I am Alex

**Marcel:** I am Marcel

Stacy runs and starts kissing Legolas

**Stacy** getting all crazy

**Stacy:** Legolas you are my biggest fan!

**Legolas:** No wonder

**Elrond:** We were going to a sleepover then ended up here.

**Sam:** So Then we bumped into Hannah.

**Eowyn:** We need guests to come with us so want to come with us?

Very happily

**Hannah**: Sure!

**Stacy: **As long if I am in the same room as Legolas.

**Narrator:** Oh my God! It's a badly written fanfiction! Pulls out a gun and shoots them all There. Now you can't hurt anybody ever again. Oh well, back to the story!

The stalkers are in the bar talking about their plans. "Boy Aragorn is really hot,'' Kelsey exclaimed. Meanwhile, the bartender was cleaning bar glasses. He heard Kelsey's comment and his ears perked up. He was enchanted by the conversation. He walked over to the stalkers table and approached them with a smile.

"You guys are talking about Aragorn aren't you?''

Kelsey turned around and lowered her eyes. Ann also snorted and rolled her eyes.

"What is to you?'' Kelsey snarled.

"Well Aragorn is really hot.''

Kelsey's face lit up with excitement. Since no one agreed with her when the subject was being spoken about. Ann relaxed and smiled.

The bartender had a plan. Will this plan work? A question popped into his head but he ignored it. "Hey guys I have a plan.'' He presented the plan. The stalkers nodded appreciatively.

"So would you guys like to join us?'' Ann asked.

"More than ever!''

"Alright,'' Heather piped in. "What is your name?''

"Fred.''

"No.''

"George?''

"No.''

"Bob?''

"No.''

"Thaddeus?''

"No.''

"Bill?"

"Okay your in.''

Everyone was anxious to find out what will happen.

**Narrator:** Wow, I wonder what will happen too please what is there plan?

**Author:** No way, my lips are sealed.

**Narrator:** Oh fine, time to go to a casino.

The hobbits are at a casino gambling. They play craps, poker, blackjack and other games.

Frodo was playing blackjack. A gray hooded figure came and sat down in front of Frodo.

"So you want to gamble eh? Well bring it on.''

Frodo kept gambling but he lost a lot of money. Two hours later he had no money left.

" I don't have any money left. It was nice playing with you.'' Frodo rose from his seat.

"Wait,'' the gray hooded figure called.

Frodo sat down again. " What about that ring of yours, the one on a chain around your neck?''

Frodo looked aghast. There was no way that he could give up the ring. The ring was precious to him. " Hey I can't give you the ring.''

"Are you chicken?''

"No.''

" Well if you win this round then the ring is yours but if I do then it's mine. Up to it?''

"Fine.''

Frodo lost and he gave the ring to the figure. The figure took it and was gone.

Frodo got up and left. He spotted Merry and Pippin. He went to a computer and went onto Ebay. A popup came onto the screen. Frodo clicked on it and it said about the ring was up for sale. Sauron was claiming it. Frodo had to do something. Just then, Merry and Pippin and the others walked over. "What are you doing?'' Arwen exclaimed.

"I have to get the ring back.''

"What?'' Gandalf shouted.

"Well, I was gambling and I lost the ring. Sauron is claiming it. It's an auction.''

"But,'' Aragorn said knowingly. " We have to out bid Sauron.''

"How do we do that?'' Eowyn pondered.

"We have to haggle.''

Eowyn gasped at this. She couldn't believe it.

They put in more money until they won. FrodotheShireDude12 won the auction.

Someone came and gave Frodo a note. It said:

Dear Frodo,

Good thing you won the auction. You have three weeks to make the money and pay it. You deliver the money and I will give you the ring back.

From,

The gray hooded figure.

Frodo closed the letter up. "What does it say?'' Gandalf asked.

"We have three days to pay the money. The problem is that we don't have enough money.''

"What do we do,'' Pippin was frightened.

"We have to raise the money by working.'' Aragorn informed them.

So they will do it. They planned the whole thing out.

**Narrator:** Well let's raise the money!

**Author:** Okay everyone the beginning part was an original rough draft of the story. Like I would actually put that. Ha Ha! Bye Bye!


	19. The schemes

**Chapter 19: The schemes**

**Author: **'Ello everyone welcome back!

**Narrator:** Yay! Claps hands

**Author:** Here is what happened in the last chapter if you are too lazy to have read it. Anyway, the first chapter started with the stalkers. The stalkers recruited a new member. His name is Bill the Bartender. Bill the Bartender overheard the stalkers talking about Aragorn so he decided to join the group. Once he joins the group Bill comes up with a plan. Meanwhile Frodo and the others go to the bar. Frodo gambles with the secret hooded figure. It turned out that Frodo lost. He then had to give up the ring. Then, Frodo goes on to Ebay and wins the auction against Sauron. He then gets a note that he has three weeks to pay the money. So now, Frodo and the others must come up with a bunch of schemes hence the chapter title to get the right amount of money so they can get the ring back. Well that is it. Now I suggest you go and read it! Yes and I don't own Lord Of The Rings and all that bloody shit.

**Narrator:** You know I can't wait for the gang's plans.

**Author:** This I can imagine.

**Narrator:** You can?

**Author:** Yes, young Skywalker.

**Narrator:** First you do Michael Jackson impressions now Yoda?

**Author:** Michael Jackson voice Hello little boy! Want some Jesus Juice?

**Narrator:** puts a gun against her head Let's start the story with the schemes. Lowers her gun

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The group sat somewhere in the hotel room. They came up with ideas to get the money. It was time to put it to the test. " Frodo, how long do we have until we have to pay the money?'' Aragorn asked.

Frodo drew a heavy sigh. " Three weeks.''

At least everyone had an idea of what to do. Okay that wasn't necessarily true. Legolas had trouble coming up with an idea. He sat in the bathroom sorting his beauty products.

" Wooah Legolas, you might as well start a hair salon.'' Haldir replied at the sight of the products. Haldir leaned against the door smiling to himself. Legolas looked up at Haldir and thought of an idea. It was like a bright light appeared right in front of his eyes.

" Haldir, you're a genius!'' Legolas exclaimed.

" Um Leg, I was just kidding. '' Haldir said.

" Come on Hal, I am going to start a hair salon. I am going to need your help. Don't let me do the Legolas's look.''

The Legolas look happened to have Legolas with his eyes lowered and his face all grandma like. Haldir was sucked into this. He had to agree because the Legolas look was scary.

He ran out of the bathroom and dropped the shampoo bottle spilling shampoo all over the floor. But he didn't care. He needed to do something. Legolas sped out of the hotel. He began to accelerate faster. He moved swiftly and quickly. " I need to find a vacant building to use for the salon.'' He pushed himself even harder. It didn't matter anyway since elves are used to this kind of thing. He used his wonderful elf eyes and saw a building. He stopped short. He faced forward to get a good look. This place looked vacant. Legolas thought this place was great.

Suddenly, Haldir jogged up to Legolas. Haldir stopped and turned around to get a good look too. " Legolas, I hope you are kidding.'' Haldir said sadly like he lost Legolas for good.

" Does it look like I am?'' Legolas said with his eyes peeled to the building.

Haldir snapped his head at Legolas and back to the building. He thought this was so hilarious that he began to laugh.

Legolas did not find this amusing. " What is so funny?'' Legolas snarled.

" Oh look at this place. It's a piece of shit.''

Haldir did have a point. The building was worn down and looked like it hadn't been used in ages. The building was a small one with one story. The windows were broken and cobwebs were coming out of the windows. It was a terrible sight period.

" I bet the inside is even worse.'' Haldir muttered.

Haldir and Legolas walked inside. Oh boy Haldir was right again. The floor was cracked. There were so many cracks in the floor and it was very dusty. There wasn't even a door. The door appeared to have fallen off or something.

Haldir could not understand why Legolas would want a hair salon in here. This place lost its hope a long time ago.

" Alright Legolas,'' Haldir said really pissed off. " This isn't funny anymore.''

" Haldir, this is the best place to create a hair salon!'' Legolas exclaimed ignoring Haldir's comment.

"Your are nuts Leg.'' Haldir clicked his tongue.

"Look,'' Legolas said getting annoyed. " You can help me with this dream since you are my friend and also we have to get the ring back. Or you can go off and be a sourpuss. Whatever you chose.'' Legolas did the look again to change Haldir's mind.

Haldir winced at the look. He then replied faintly: " Well, we will have to do some furnishing but it will be a success.''

Legolas brightened at this. " So Haldir will you help me?''

"Apparently so.'' Haldir answered.

"Great!'' Legolas exclaimed. Legolas ran out and Haldir had no choice but to follow him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The car was completely destroyed. It lay in a ditch smoking to smithereens. The gang climbed out of the car wobbly and dizzy. " My head hurts.'' Celeborn complained.

" So does mine.'' Sam moaned.

Saruman was the only one who was chipper. " Come on guys it's a wonderful day!'' He shouted.

" Saruman how can you be so chipper after what happened?'' Sam asked smirking.

"Well halfing I had a epiphany.''

"What the hell is a epiphany?''

" A revelation,'' Saruman said impatiently.

"What's going on?'' replied the voice of Denathor who was followed by Gimli and Gollum.

"Saruman claims to have a epiphany.'' Sam stated in a matter of fact.

" Let me guess, your revelation was that you and Gollum are meant to be together forever until you part?'' Denathor joked with worry in his voice.

Saruman glared at him. " No my revelation was the fact that we worked together when we fell. Now we fight. We are growing weak. But to pull this off we have to work as a team. We will get to Vegas!''

No one moved no one said anything.

" Come on let's go,'' Saruman urged.

**Narrator:** So they trudged on in the forest tired and hungry and thirsty with just the clothes on their backs. Oh no!

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Meanwhile, Aragorn was in his room. He needed to think of a plan to get money. " I must do something to get the money.'' He said to himself. He sat on the bed and thought until he had an idea. " BY GEOGRE I GOT IT!'' He shouted at no one.

" Gandalf complains about old ladies watching him in the shower when there is no one there. I'll shoot images of Gandalf in the shower and sell them, so they can see it at home instead of Gandalf going nuts every time.''

"I'll make a fortune!''

Aragorn definitely loved his plan. He believed that the result of this plan would get him a thousand dollars. Aragorn took the time to plan out the whole thing but then there were a few things missing. He didn't have a camera or a ladder or anything. What was he going to do? Aragorn dived for his bag and searched every compartment. The last compartment he opened contained the video camera and tapes. Aragorn then remembered what Elrond always told him. Elrond always said to have a camera and tapes and a lot of film when he was at a party unless something embarrassing happened. Aragorn never forgot the saying until this day. He drew out his video equipment and his radio. Elrond also told Aragorn for years that he must always have a radio just in case you need a theme song. Then, he remembered Elrond also telling them to always have a pulley so you can climb to the side of a building and shoot inappropriate porn videos of Gandalf. Gee what a nice father.

Aragorn figured that Elrond must have been high when he told him his mottos.

Anyway Aragorn set off with everything he needed and went outside. A rope and a ladder laid on the ground and a random pole. Aragorn using his ranger skills, he set up the pulley and hoisted himself on it. Then, Aragorn jumped up to pull himself up until his feet touched the brick. He turned on the radio and the theme to " Mission Impossible.'' blared all around him. " Bloody Hell, I am trying to get some beauty sleep. Must you blast that?'' A random guy bellowed. The guy threw a rock and the rock hit the radio. The radio began to make whirring noises. Then it smashed into pieces. The pieces fell onto the ground.

" Oh crap,'' Aragorn cried helplessly. " What do I do?'' " I failed Elrond.'' Aragorn stopped from climbing. Elrond's voice appeared in his head. " You must always carry a radio just in case you need a theme song.''

" Stop it get out of my head!''

" I'm down here stupid.'' Elrond said from below.

Aragorn looked down at Elrond. " What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be working?''

Elrond licked his lips and thought how to explain this. " Well I um… taking a break.''

Aragorn noticed for the first time that Elrond was wearing drag queen clothes. " Why are you wearing drag queen clothes? Are you going to a club or something?''

" That isn't important right now. What are you doing on top of a building?''

" Practicing my ranger skills.''

"Right……….'' Elrond laughed.

Then there was silence.

"So what are you doing wearing transvestite clothes?'' Aragorn asked again.

" I told you that isn't important right now.'' Elrond replied angrily and stomped off.

" Well, Elrond is a queen after all. After all these years I would never of thought about this.'' Aragorn said then sighed. Suddenly, he had to think about what he was going to do. He then started to sing the Mission Impossible theme song to himself. He continued to climb. " Dun Dah Dun.''

A few floors later, he finally reached Gandalf's window. Now it was time to get ready. He took out his camera and turned it on. He then jumped off the brick and hung in midair.

He swung around for a few seconds until he grabbed onto the windowsill to stop him from swinging. He then leaned it closer to get a better look. There was Gandalf taking a shower and dancing around. Apparently Gandalf was dancing to the Macarena. How scary. Aragorn thought this was funny. So he positioned himself right in front of the window to get a closer image. He began to film every moment. " Yeah Gandalf you scrub that armpit.'' Aragorn muttered. Then he heard Gandalf singing: " Oops I Did It Again.'' Aragorn beamed, this was the best footage ever! Gandalf should shower more often. For an hour Aragorn filmed Gandalf. Gandalf eventually got out of the shower and dried himself off. Aragorn then turned off his camera and climbed back down. This was going to be a hoot. Aragorn thought positive things while he detached himself from the pulley.

For days, Aragorn filmed Gandalf in the shower. He saw Gandalf at his funkiest. The old ladies would love this. Aragorn needed to sell these videos soon before the three weeks were up.

Two days later, Aragorn set up a video stand. The sign flashed in bright letters. The sign said: "Souvenirs''. Aragorn stood very tall and still. He hoped that someone would come over. An old lady did come over. She came wrapped in shawls with pigeons resting on her shoulders. "Souvenirs?'' she asked very shifty.

"Yes,'' Aragorn answered plainly. " These souvenirs are porn videos of Gandalf the White.'' " Live footage!'' Aragorn added.

The lady thought this over. " So I can get five videos for a dollar?''

"Right.''

"I'll take them.''

Aragorn felt so pleased with himself. This is a success. He took out a box with more videos and dumped them into a crate. " More videos come and get them!'' Ladies rushed to the stand and demanded for more videos. For the rest of the day, Aragorn sold so many videos that he didn't have many left. At the end of the day, Aragorn made two thousand dollars. " Holy Crap!'' " I can't believe that I made two thousand dollars in one week!'' Aragorn cried in amazement.

Gandalf was in the kitchen looking at pie recipes. He was known for the best pie maker back in the second age. He figured that the pies would still be good.

"What pies shall I make?'' Gandalf asked scanning the pages of his recipe book. There were so many good pies that he could make but he couldn't make a decision. So, he made a bunch of pies. He made ones like: Pumpkin Pie, Pecan, Apple, Blueberry, Blackberry, and sweet potato pie. They looked so good that he decided to sell them to get some money. " I am going to make a profit!'' He cried.

The next day came and Gandalf stood out in the street behind his pie stand. It was two hours since Gandalf was standing out there and no one came over. This made Gandalf really upset and he burst in tears.

"Wahhhhhhhh, somebody please buy some pies.''

Gandalf sobbed. This was terrible. He thought that the pies would look appealing. Eventually Gandalf got his wish. A man came up to the stand looking like he was hungry.

"Excuse me sir, I would like to buy some pie.'' The man asked nicely.

Gandalf eyed him suspiciously. "You just feel sorry for me don't you?'' Gandalf replied with tears streaming down his face.

"No,'' the man said hurriedly. " I just want some pie.''

Gandalf said nothing and took out his sample pies. " Which pie do you want?''

"Pumpkin pie please.''

Gandalf took out a plate and a knife and cut the pie into pieces. He then took out a fork and a napkin and handed it to the guy.

The man took a bite. It seemed to enter his mouth peacefully but his taste buds didn't agree. Then he looked like he was going to vomit.

"So do you like it?'' Gandalf said looking at him.

"Actually I am not in the mood for pie today.''

'Why?''

"I got to go.'' The man seriously looked like he was going to vomit and he ran off.

"He didn't like my pie,'' Gandalf said sadly. "I used to be the best pie maker during the second age. What happened?'' Gandalf sat down and contemplated this for a while.

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"Hey does anyone know where Legolas and Haldir ran off to?'' Galadriel wanted to know.

"They probably met some girls then they got drunk and are probably stoned.'' Elrohir said dismissively.

"You know, I have to pee.'' Elrond said randomly before he ran to the bathroom.

"Elrohir, Legolas and Haldir aren't stupid.'' Arwen said angrily as she shot a hateful look at him.

"Relax sis, I was kidding.'' Elrohir assured her.

Legolas and Haldir came in with so much news.

"Hey guys where have you been?'' Arwen replied shrilly.

"Guys,'' Legolas said ignoring Arwen. "Haldir and I are going to start a hair salon!''

Silence filled the room. No one knew what to say.

Elrond came back. "Did you just say you want to start a hair salon?'' Elrond interjected.

Legolas nodded.

"Well at least you're using your hair products somewhere else. Instead of clogging up the bathroom.''

"Good point dad,'' Elladan agreed.

"Where is this hair salon?" Eowyn asked.

"Good thing you asked Eowyn,'' Legolas smiled. " Come everyone let Haldir and I show you.''

Everyone else got up to follow them. Two blocks later they reached their destination.

"So what do you guys think?'' Haldir asked nervously.

"It sucks,'' Elrohir said plainly. "You can't use this building for a hair salon.''

"Yeah,'' Eowyn said observing the place closely.

"Well we will have to add some touches.'' Legolas said.

For long days, they spent creating the hair salon. Until it was time to open.

"Leg, this is spectacular!'' Haldir rejoiced.

They were inside and Legolas began to give out orders. " Alright, this is what who is doing what. Galadriel and I are hairdressers. Arwen, Eowyn, and Haldir are shampoo girls. Elrohir and Elladan will be the janitors.''

"But why do I have to be a shampoo girl?'' Haldir objected.

"Well Hal, remember the time when you gave Glorfindel a hair cut?''

A flashback comes: it is during the second age

It was a glorious day in Rivendell thought Glorfindel as he was sitting in a chair while Haldir was doing his hair. He drew out a newspaper called: The Rivendell Times.

" _So Glorfindel, how's Rivendell?'' Haldir asked._

"_It's great!'' "How's Lothlorien?''_

"_It's good.'' _

"_You know Galadriel has been making sexual implications towards me lately.''_

"_Oh really?'' _

"_Yes, a few weeks ago she wanted me to dance to the tango with her naked.''_

"_Did you do it?'' _

"_Oh silly no.'' Haldir said. " So do you want just a trim two inches in the back and the sides?'' _

"_Correct.'' _

_Haldir took some scissors and started cutting. _

" _I feel sorry for Celeborn.'' Glorfindel resumed back to the conversation. _

"_Yes I know.'' _

"_Elrond has been doing the same thing. Last night he asked me if we could have bathtub parties. I mean literally bathtub parties.'' Just at that moment Elrond barged in and was wearing a very short bathrobe. " Hey Glorfindel, I am going to take a bath now want to come?'' _

" _You see what I mean?'' Glorfindel said to Haldir._

_Elrond walked away shaking his butt as he walked. Glorfindel was feeling sick just now. _

"_You poor elf you.'' Haldir shook his head. _

_At this point, Haldir took some pink dye and put it on Glorfindel's head. Finally, Haldir was done. "All done Glorfy.'' _

_Haldir removed the bib and Glorfindel looked at the mirror. His hair was pink and in a mohawk. Glorfindel just had to scream. "Ahhhh!'' The windows broke and Haldir hid under the table. Glorfindel's scream were heard everywhere. His screams were heard all through Rivendell, to Lorien, to Mirkwood, to Rohan, to Gondor, to The Shire, to Bree, and to Mordor. People in the various locations stopped whatever they were doing and ran for cover. _

_Meanwhile, Sauron was sleeping wearing his pajamas. He also had a nightcap and fuzzy slippers. Sauron woke up to the screams. He saw Mount Doom falling down. Sauron jumped and ran down stairs and went outside. He was furious. " Hey, I am trying to get some beauty sleep here!'' Sauron could not understand why Glorfindel was screaming like a lunatic. Seriously, Orcs were being scrambled around as Sauron pushed them to a random location. An orc pushed its head out the window of Mount Doom and saw Sauron standing there. _

" _Hey Sauron, nice pajamas.'' _

" _Shut up.'' Sauron scowled. _

" _Hey I suggest you get out of the tower.'' Sauron shouted. _

" _What?''_

" _I SAID I SUGGEST YOU GET OUT OF THE TOWER!'' _

" _Sorry, I don't have my hearing aids on right now.'' _

" _WELL PUT THEM ON!'' Sauron screamed at the top of his lungs._

"_What?'' The orc pestered Sauron again. _

" _I SAID……………………. AHHHHHHHHH!'' Mount Doom was falling even faster and Sauron was in deep shit. _

" _Oh shit, Glorfindel is trying to bring down the mountain!'' Sauron grabbed with all of his might and pushed the building. His arms were about to fall off. _

"_Stop screaming you asshole!''_

_Sauron eventually pushed the mountain back and the screaming ended. _

_End of flash black _

"Yeah well good point.'' Haldir sighed.

"Well everything is settled.'' Legolas said and clapped his hands.

The hair salon looked amazing. Everything inside was organized. Shampoos were placed on shelves and the place was decorated nicely.

"Okay everyone,'' Legolas replied with a dictator tone. "Legolas's Elven Body Work's is open!'' The twins rolled their eyes at this. " Hey you too pay attention.'' " Anyway, I expect you guys to behave properly. Before we get started I have your uniforms.''

Legolas dashed to the closet and returned too seconds later with different outfits. "These outfits have our names on them. They shall be worn at all times.'' Legolas passed out the outfits. " I have special ones for you.'' He indicated to the shampoo girls and Haldir.

Legolas gave them pink aprons with their names sewn big on them. Arwen and Eowyn enjoyed it but Haldir did not.

"What's wrong now Haldir?'' Legolas asked crossly with his arms crossed.

"Why do we have to wear these horrible aprons?''

"So you don't trip and pink really looks good on you.''

"No it doesn't!'' Haldir bellowed.

Legolas was getting agitated. He stalked off and went into the closet. A few seconds later, he returned with a blue jacket. He threw it at Haldir's hands.

"Now does anyone else have a problem?'' Legolas turned to face everyone.

The room was still and everyone else was silent.

"Good,'' Legolas smiled brightly. "Now our customers will be arriving shortly. Everyone must make a good impression got it?''

The others murmured a yes in unison and went to their positions.

"Good!''

Before you know it people show up, people of all ages walk in. The majority of the customers were teenage girls, but it didn't matter. As long as it was thriving. People were looking around. They admired the shelves, and the whole room. Legolas decided to approach this one woman.

"Welcome to Legolas's Elven Body Works Salon, how may we help your hair shine like it never did before?'' Legolas asked while thinking that it was a dumb slogan.

The woman looked at Legolas hopefully.

" Really, my hair never shines.'' She started to tell Legolas her story about her hair.

"Look mamm,'' Legolas interrupted her. " Your story is interesting but we have people waiting. Come with me and I'll take you to our shampoo people.'' Legolas said. He said people just in case Haldir was listening. He took her to them.

"Haldir, Arwen, and Eowyn wash the hair. Take a seat anywhere.'' Legolas scurried off to greet more customers.

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Elrohir and Elladan were having fun. Actually let me add something. They were having fun, just not working. They tried to flirt with every hot girl that walked in. If you think about it, it obviously didn't work.

" Hey 'Ro there are a lot of hot chicks in here. You know what I mean?''

Elladan replied suggestively.

"Oh yeah,'' Elrohir high fived his brother to the bone.

A girl walked in and they dropped whatever they were doing and got ready to meet her. The girl looked very confused. Her eyes scanned the room nervously and took a seat and grabbed a magazine.

"Okay 'Dan remember one thing.''

"What's that?''

"Be cool and let me do all the talking.''

Elladan nodded and remained silent.

They approached her slowly not wanting to scare her off. " Okay Elladan remember what I said. Be cool.'' Elrohir reminded him.

Elladan still said nothing.

"Hey baby!'' Elrohir said smoothly.

"What do you want?'' the girl said while looking at the magazine.

"I just want to say hello and I just want to let you know that you look absolutely fineeeeeeeeee! ''

"Good for you now scram.''

Elrohir took a seat next to her.

The girl was getting impatient. "What are your names?''

"I am Elrohir son of Elrond of Rivendell and next to me is my brother Elladan son of Elrond of Rivendell. We are twins.''

"Hi,'' Elladan said meekly.

" Well this is great,'' the girl replied happily. " I can report you two for harassment.''

"Harassment?'' " Okay fine be that way but if you want to have fun with me just look for me.'' Elrohir said angrily and walked away. Elladan did not leave.

" Look, we are not harassers. Just ignore my brother. He is a total bastard 24/7. Obviously twins aren't the same people.''

The girl decided to stop reading. She looked up for the first time and examined his physical features. Boy he is hot she thought. She then added happily. " My name is Farrah.''

"Hi Farrah, my name is Elladan.''

Elladan then looked up for the first time. Farrah had flaming red hair and was very thin. Her flaming red hair turned him on.

"Elladan, there is garbage that needs to be taken out.'' Legolas called.

" Wait here is my number.'' Farrah drew out a piece of paper with her phone number written on it.

" Call me!'' She handed it to Elladan. Elladan tucked it into his pocket and said goodbye then ran off.

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"Elladan where have you been?" Elrohir demanded.

"Nowhere….''

"Liar, you were talking to that girl weren't you?''

"Yes and her name is Farrah.''

"Farrah.'' Elrohir chuckled.

"Elladan, she is a bitch.''

"No she isn't.''

"Whatever you say bro,'' Elrohir sighed deeply. He was not in the mood to argue.

"Come on let's take out the trash.''

Elrohir and Elladan gathered up the trash and took it outside.

When they were taking out the trash, Elrohir thought they saw someone they knew.

"Hey Elladan come over here.''

"What?'' Elladan asked quietly.

"What is Ada doing wearing transvestite clothes and why?''

Elladan peered closely and perched himself on top of the dumpster. "Oh my God he can't wear fish net stockings for life.'' He laughed.

"Don't laugh!'' Elrohir commanded. " We are scared for life now!"

" If the word gets spread to Rivendell you, me, and Arwen will be the laughingstock of Rivendell! Elladan, we have to stop this now!''

"Brother, we won't be scared for life. I think that Ada found a way to express himself and we will respect that,'' Elladan said reassuringly. "Now come on and let's get rid of the trash.''

"We have to stop Ada before it gets to late,'' Elrohir yelled not hearing what Elladan said.

Elrohir and Elladan ran to the bus stop.

"Ada, what are you doing?'' Elrohir screamed.

Elrond paid attention to the street instead of him. He hoped that someone would pick him up since he was dressed as a transvestite.

Elrohir had enough. What would people say? Would people tease me because my father is a drag queen? Thoughts swam in his head until he felt like his brain was leaking. Elrohir couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Elladan by the arm and walked onto the sidewalk facing Elrond.

"Dad what are you doing?'' Elrohir demanded.

Elrond said nothing.

"Dad this is a disgrace.''

"So,'' Elrond replied dully.

"We are your sons.''

Silence.

"Don't forget about Arwen.''

"Ada let's go back to the salon,'' Elladan said.

It took a lot of coaxing to get Elrond back to the salon. Once they got there. Elrond became the receptionist.

"Why is Elrond dressing in drag?'' Eowyn asked. She happened to notice Elrond sitting at the desk still in his outfit.

"Apparently some of his parts are malfunctioning.'' Haldir said thoughtfully.

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"What should we do?'' Frodo asked.

The hobbits did not know what to do. The only thing they had was food but it wasn't enough.

"I don't know,'' Merry said.

They watched everyone walking down the street to fulfill their boredom. Pippin thought he saw someone they knew. "Hey guys,'' Pippin said.

"What?'' Frodo and Merry answered.

" Fatty Bolger just passed us.''

"Why would he be here?'' Frodo asked.

" I don't know. Let's ask him.''

"HEY FATTY!'' Pippin shouted.

The hobbit supposedly called Fatty turned around to face him.

" Hey Fatty come on over here.'' Pippin said.

" Uh Pippin that isn't Fatty.'' Merry said sadly.

The hobbit that was called Fatty glared at them. He was very big and had similar features to Fatty. "What did you say?''

" I said Hey Fatty.''

" I'm not

Pippin was scared. He ran behind Frodo and Merry and hid behind them.

" I'm not a fatty, you bastard. You want to start something?''

"Come on out, come fight me like a real hobbit not a wimp.''

Frodo and Merry stood out and did not move.

" Where is your little friend,'' he barked.

"I don't know where he is Fatty.'' Frodo said plainly.

" So you want to start something?'' " Fatty.'' Barked at Frodo.

"Fatty." advanced toward Frodo and Merry. Pippin decided to run at this point. Frodo and Merry followed him.

"See I told you that that wasn't Fatty.'' Merry said sarcastically.

" Well excuse me for living.'' Pippin barked.

They kept on running until they ran into an alley. They found a barrel and jumped in it.

"Hey guys remember this barrel?'' Pippin asked.

"No.''

" This is were we were hiding when we were being chased by the fan girls.''

"Oh yeah.''

The barrel was very dark and they couldn't see anyone. " Hey get out of my house you trespassers.'' A hobo said.

The hobbits turned around. " I thought hobo's lived in boxcars not barrels.'' Merry thought.

The hobo cringed. Frodo looked through the hole that Merry carved. " Fatty.'' ran by. Frodo leaned back. " " Fatty.'' Just passed.

" Oh crap.''

They waited for twenty minutes and " Fatty.'' didn't come back.

Merry carved another hole with his knife and they climbed out.

"Thanks for letting us rent your house.'' Pippin said.

The hobo said nothing.

They ran out and decided to come up with an idea.

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"Wormtongue don't worry this will be a master plan. You will be Eowyn's man.'' Bill replied.

Wormtongue had second thoughts about this. "Eowyn will never love me. She loves that dimwitted Faramir of Gondor.'' Wormtongue cried.

"Wormtongue if there is anything I hate is to see you cry. Now piss off.'' Bill replied angrily. Bill got up and left.

The stalkers were outside in the park. They were talking about Bill's plan. Wormtongue decided to go take a walk. The plan was troubling him. Would Eowyn ever love me? He had to sing something. Songs soothe the savage beast. He sang an Eowyn song:

Eowyn the one who is tall and fair.

Especially her long golden hair. Eowyn I love you Eowyn!

Wormtongue ceased from singing. He began to think about the positive things. He walked on and on until he tripped over a rock. He fell on his back and couldn't feel anything. His eyes blurred and everything went black. "Eowyn Eowyn!'' he cried.

Eowyn's face shimmered in the light. Wormtongue could imagine himself in a forest with Eowyn standing in front of him.

"Lando Lando,'' Eowyn sang. "Your face is so fair just like your afro hair.''

Wormtongue smiled. He had another image of himself dancing with Eowyn. But her face changed to Ann's.

"Wormtongue wake up!'' Ann shouted.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!'' Wormtongue couldn't believe it, he was having a nightmare.

Wormtongue sprawled on the ground. His eyes fluttered open.

"Wormtongue why were you screaming?'' Ann wondered.

"Your face.''

"Very funny,'' Ann said crossly. " Tell me what happened.''

Wormtongue shared his account exactly what happened. When he finished Ann laughed.

" Wormtongue you need to relax. You will get Eowyn. You are better than Faramir.'' Ann replied with reassurance.

" I hope so.'' Wormtongue replied hopefully. Ann came and helped him up and walked away.

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"Come on somebody please buy a sock.''

Faramir and Claude were selling miscellaneous items.

"You idiot, no one would buy a sock!''

"But it's satin with polka dots on it.''

"Faramir where did you find that?''

"I found it in a dumpster!'' Faramir said.

Claude rolled his eyes. "I wish I could sing a song about how stupid Faramir is.'' Claude sighed.

Song begins

**Legolas**: Welcome to Legolas's Elven body works! Come on in and take a seat. We have the best service 24/7. Now sit back and let us tell you all about it!

Music starts

**Elves and Eowyn**: clip clip brush brush wash wash away. We opened a hair salon and it's a wonderful day!

**Arwen**: We all know exactly what where're doing!

We have the best hairdressers of the day.

With Galadriel's expertise with scissors.

And Legolas being… you know… gay!

**The Twins:** Uh huh hell yeah!

**Elrond:** Boys this is no way to run a business.

I am sick and tired of your tricks. You too are supposed to be here working

and all you do is flirt with all the chicks.

**The Twins**: Uh huh hell yeah!

**Elves and Eowyn:** clip clip brush brush wash wash away. We opened a hair salon and it's a wonderful day.

The hobbits

**Frodo**: Come on guys stop fooling around. You think this is funny but it's not.

We got to do this we have to win! Now come on and help me with this box.

**Merry:** Yes because we are stronger together. We can do anything as long as we try because we are wiser forever. We can do it as long as we don't cry.

They pick up the box

**Pippin:** Don't worry Frodo, Merry and I will help you through and through because we are stronger together we can do anything as long as we try. We are wiser forever if we are strong we will not cry! We will have to work as one. We are the best under the sunnnnnnn! Whoops I got carried away.

**The hobbits: **We are stronger together we can do anything as long as we try. We are wiser forever if we are strong we won't cry.

To Aragorn

**Aragorn: **No one would ever expect this I know what I'm doing is right! Gandalf will have a higher self-esteem and I will be a millionaire overnight!

To Gandalf

**Gandalf: **sadly Please buy my pie. Or I will cry. Please give it a try. Please buy some pie.

A guy comes up to Gandalf for an idea.

**Man: **You know, this pie is okay but I have an idea and this idea will make the pie irresistible.

**Gandalf:** Really, tell me?

**Man: **Well………………………. A car serves and hits him He is lying in the street dead

**Gandalf: **soul like PLEASE BUY MY PIE!

A random choir comes out of nowhere

**Choir: ** LORD!

**Gandalf:** FOR THE MAN WHO DIED!

**CHOIR:** FOR THE MAN WHO DIED!

**Gandalf: **SO PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!

**CHOIR: **OH JESUS LORD

**Choir: **PLEASE GIVE IT A TRY!

**Gandalf: ** sad again Please buy my pie. Or I will cry. So please give it a try. Please buy some pie.

To Faramir and Claude

**Faramir:** Will you please buy a sock?

**Claude:** He is dumb as a rock!

**Faramir:** Please buy this kiddie pool.

**Claude:** My master is a fool.

**Claude:** He will never succeed. A higher IQ is what he needs.

**The Twins**: Uh huh hell yeah!

To the stalkers

**Wormtounge: **This is a master plan! This will definitely work! Before you know it I will be Eowyn's man!

**The others: **Eowyn's man!

**Rachel: **Holds a picture of Frodo to her face Me and you!

**Heather:** Holds a picture of Legolas to her face You and me!

**Hobbits: **Just us threeTogether we are stronger. We will be together forever and longer!

**Merry:** That's right!

To the losers

**Losers:** We found the strong men inside! From Vegas we won't hide! Who says we need a ride? We found the strong men inside!

**Saruman:** We will make it! Vegas lie in our hearts! As long as we believe, we will be strongerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Everybody at once

**Elves and Eowyn: **It's a wonderful day!

**Hobbits: **We will be stronger together!

**Aragorn:** I will be a millionaire overnight!

**Gandalf: **Please buy my pie!

**Claude: ** A higher IQ is what he needs!

**Wormtongue: **I will be Eowyn's man!

**Rachel:** Me and You!

**Heather:** You and me!

**Losers:** We are on our way to Vegas. We are on our way!

**Everyone:** And Legolas is gay!

**Legolas:** Hey!

Music ends

**Author: **What a great song!

**Narrator: **Yes

**Author:** I just want you to know that if no one reviews then there won't be a new chapter. It will not kill you to type a suggestion or a comment. Besides is no one reviews then I won't know how to change my story or if I shall continue. On another note, Sorry to all of you Faramir fans out there for making him dumb. No flames! Anyway, please also add in your reviews for places in Las Vegas where the characters can go. Thank you for reading this note and have a good day!


	20. The baldy and the big check

**Author: **Hi guys welcome back! I am sorry I disappeared. Life has been busy lately. Well I'm back and I'm sure everyone missed me. Narrator and I are back and black. Well we aren't black but still. Here is the Narrator. She wants to say hello.

**Narrator:** Hi guys! It's nice to see you all again. Let's find out how everyone is doing.

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The LOTR characters meandered through a meadow hoping that they would reach their final destination. They also wanted to find food and lodging as well. Life really sucked right now since they landed in a ditch and in the middle of nowhere. All of their belongings were lost somewhere. Life was just bad in general. Well maybe not for some people, like Saruman and Gollum

" Oh Gollum, I love you so much!'' Saruman glowed.

" Really precioussssssssssssssssss?''

" Uh huh.''

" Well that's what you were saying last night as well.''

" I know,'' Saruman smiled. " I'm glad I did.''

Meanwhile, Sam and the others followed behind Saruman and Gollum. They found Saruman and Gollum amusing.

" Why is Saruman so happy?'' Sam asked.

" Maybe he and Gollum are going steady.'' Celeborn thought.

" I don't think they are going to last.'' Denathor answered.

" This conversation is so disgusting that we shouldn't be talking about this.''

Gimli answered.

" But Gimli, don't you want to know?'' Celeborn asked curiously.

" Honestly no.''

" You suck.''

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" Wow, today we had the most customers since the salon opened.'' Legolas exclaimed to the others.

" Yeah I know.'' Haldir smiled.

" This is the best thing I ever done.''

" Hell yeah!''

Legolas was happy indeed. The salon was prospering. Legolas could not help but keep on smiling. Even Haldir actually started to enjoy being a shampoo girl. It was fun for him. Haldir was more popular than Arwen and Eowyn.

" I wish I could scrub all day long. La La! I will sing this song.'' Haldir sang as he shampooed a customer.

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Aragorn need some footage because he sold a lot of videos. This was the perfect time of day to do it because Gandalf happened to be taking a shower. Aragorn once again put his ranger skills into good use and set up the pulley. Once the pulley was set up, he attached himself to it and ordered some random guy to pull him up. Aragorn started to sing the Mission Impossible Theme song until some guy yelled at him to shut up. A few seconds later, he reached Gandalf's window. Gandalf was scrubbing away. Aragorn began to start filming until Gandalf noticed Aragorn.

" Aragorn what are you doing here?'' Gandalf cried.

" Ummmm,'' Aragorn hesitated. " Science project?''

" Shut up!''

" Alright, I was filming you for the money. You've always wanted to be a star. This is your chance. It's like Paris Hilton and her sex tape except it's you.''

At first Gandalf was angry, but then he began to consider the benefits. He would definitely be popular.

" Yes Gandalf you are a star!''

" I definitely am the star!''

"Yes, now let's go outside and meet some women.''

Gandalf left the shower to get dressed. Five minutes later he ran outside and saw some old ladies walking around. " Hey ladies!'' Gandalf said.

One lady looked at Gandalf and said: " Oh hello Gandalf.''

The lady went back to chatting with her friends.

Gandalf saw a figure that the ladies were talking to. He wondered why no one liked him anymore. He thought that everyone loved him. Who could this guy be? Gandalf recognized the figure. The figure was someone he didn't like very much. " You!''

The figure turned to face Gandalf and replied in a snotty tone. " Oh hello Gandalf.''

" Albus Dumbledore!'' Gandalf spat his name.

Dumbledore was pimpin for sure. He had a pimp suit, a hat, pimp stick and had ladies underneath his arms constantly laughing at Gandalf.

" You know,'' Dumbledore spoke to Aragorn. " I saw your video stand the other day. I watched some of the footage. You are a wonderful photographer. I liked the footage but I didn't like the subject.''

" Do you want to start something?'' Gandalf replied angrily.

" I believe something has already been started.'' Dumbledore replied acidly. The ladies laughed like a bunch of bumbling idiots.

" Now I think you should come and work for me. You could be my agent and I would be a good client. Better than Gandalf. How about it?''

Aragorn hesitated for bit. Working for Dumbledore would be awesome but he wouldn't want to offend Gandalf. But he couldn't turn down someone like Dumbledore.

" Sure!''

" Well that's settled then. Come on ladies.'' Dumbledore told the ladies and they walked away.

" How could you betray me like this?'' Gandalf rounded on Aragorn.

" Gandalf, Dumbledore is a good specimen. Then we could exploit him.''

" Like you wanted to exploit me?''

" Yes.''

" Well, I thought I was famous not Dumbledore.''

" Of course you are.''

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A few hours went by and the salon was still prospering. Legolas and Galadriel were cutting hair, the shampoo girls and Haldir were washing away, Elladan and Elrohir were cleaning, and Elrond was a very good receptionist. Elrond sat in his desk reading Vogue and accepting calls.

A random bald guy walked into the salon wearing a purple shirt and black pants. He was in the salon a few hours ago and Legolas shaved his head off. He walked over to the desk and rang for Elrond.

" Hello, how may I help you?''

" I need to speak to Legolas. Is he available?''

" Not at the moment but just wait here hon.''

Elrond went over to Legolas who was cutting someone's hair was having a hard time.

" What do you want Elrond?'' Legolas snapped.

" Some bald guy wants to see you.''

" Well I'm kind of busy at the moment. Just tell him to sit in the waiting area.''

" It might be urgent.''

" Alright fine.'' Legolas put down the scissors and told his customer he will be back in a moment.

" What could be so urgent?''

" I don't know.''

Legolas and Elrond walked back to the desk where the bald guy was still waiting. Legolas stopped and looked at the bald guy. He recognized him as the man whose hair he had accidentally shaved. He was afraid that the man was going to complain and bitch and wine.

" Look, It's not bad. Don't get mad get glad.''

" Oh don't worry,'' the guy chuckled. " I want to thank you. See now I am on a TV show thanks to you shaving my head. Now I'm famous!'' The bald guy drew out a check from his pocket. He handed it to Legolas whose eyes went to the back to his head. The bald guy left Legolas staring at the check in awe. The check was for two hundred thousand dollars. That's what they needed for the ring, it was signed by Michael Rosenbaum.

" Holy crap! That's a shit load of money!'' Legolas yelled.

" Let me see it!'' Elrond jumped up and down.

Legolas handed the check to Elrond. Elrond examined the check thoroughly.

" Holy moly! Two hundred thousand dollars!''

" What's going on here?'' Elrohir and Elladan asked.

" Some guy named Michael Rosenbaum left Legolas a check for two hundred thousand dollars.''

Elrohir and Elladan had the same reaction as Legolas did. " Shit load of money!'' Elrohir yelled.

" I know.'' Elladan agreed.

" Hey guys don't leave us out.'' Haldir replied as he, Arwen, Eowyn, and Galadriel walked over.

Legolas told them about the check and they all had the same reactions.

They were definitely were going to get the ring back and be happy.

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**Author: **There you have it. They got the money they needed to get the ring back. Woooooooooooooooooooooooo!

**Narrator: ** That's right!

**Author:** Well read and review and stay tuned!

**Disclaimer:** Fooooooooooooooooooooooooood! The Author doesn't own Lord Of The Rings. Foooooooooooood!

**Author:** Shut up!


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